Kindergarten & Helicoptering

I still can’t believe I have a Kindergartener.  I am not organized enough to have a Kindergartener – I can’t remember to take my OWN lunch out of the fridge on the way out the door how can I remember to give Mike HIS lunch? He doesn’t have a desk drawer of random semi-healthy snacks to rely on! And we budget for the inevitable monthly overdue library fees so remembering Mike’s weekly library day seems so overwhelming. I know we will figure it out, but there is SO.MUCH.PAPER.  I know it is only week two and we will eventually get our shit together, but Mike better grow up quick and get a damn day planner.

Also, his school just started using the DoJo app, which seems to be pretty popular among the ‘mommy communities’. Cool, cool. It has a feed like Facebook for the school (our’s currently has 2 pictures), the ability to text message teachers and a section where parents can see when their kid gets a ‘DoJo Point’. Since Mike’s school is a Positive Behavior Intervention and Support (PBIS) school the are focusing on reinforcing positive behavior by acknowledging it. SO – when Mike or his class does something good he is given a point which he can use for a prize. I am not sure how I feel about all this yet, but after chatting with my Mom she hit the nail on the head when it came to verbalize my intial reaction. Teachers (and their support staff) complain about the rise of ‘helicopter parent‘, and rightfully so. But this instant access to my child’s behavior? I think that’s feeding into that culture. I am literally getting a concrete number to compare him against his peers. I can instantly text his teacher for clarifications or ‘check ins’. How is that NOT enabling helicopter parents?

I know S. and I struggle with the thin line between being an involved parent and being a helicopter parent. We like to know how Mike is doing and how we can work with him at home because we view education as a partnership. And now that he is in Kindergarten we know NOTHING. He tells us NOTHING. I have no idea who his gym teacher is. No clue what they read. No idea who he sits with at lunch. If it isn’t in his take home folder I don’t know about it. He just doesn’t share that information despite asking 100 different ways. I fight the urge to email his teacher (she seems slower to respond on DoJo) to just check in on a regular basis. Trust me, I know she doesn’t need that. I am sure there is someone else doing that (there is one in every class).

I feel like we just floating through this experience and if he walks out the door with a lunch then we have had a successful day. It gets better, right?

I got my GoDaddy renewal notice yesterday and realized it’s been awhile since I blogged. I think it’s because there are some things going on behind the scenes I am not ready to talk about (don’t worry, nothing bad) and I am working a new job that is not only taking up a bunch of my time, but giving me a bit of a creative outlet.

I have lots of ideas stewing in my brain – product reviews, listicals, and just musings of being a working mom and wife with ADHD.

I should also note that I have opened up this post 3 times the past week and have been interrupted to:

  • Print coloring pages of zombie towns (do not tell your kid you can print coloring pages on demand, DO NOT)
  • Watch Captain Underpants (again, thanks Netflix)
  • Find his red tie (not his yellow tie and CERTAINLY not his plaid tie)

This motherhood thing is a struggle right? Between Mikey, S. and our now TWO dogs – I often find myself asking (read: demanding) not to be touched for 10 minutes. But honestly, there is nothing I rather spend my energy on – raising this little boy to be a good man and human being. And being a wife S. deserves and giving these damn dogs their best life.

And what about me? I am living the life I want to live. I am doing work I enjoy and am passionate about. I finding time to read and spend one on one time with S. Life is good right now.

Stay tuned. I’m not ready to give up blogging just yet.

Happy 5th Birthday Mikey!

My Littlest Love,

You are one whole hand! I remember going to the bank for a consolidation loan when you were just an itty bitty thing and hearing that our loan would be paid off in 5 years. I had to laugh because imagining you being 5 was such a surreal, unbelievable thought – yet here we are! (also, that loan was paid off early ;))

Your Daddy and I can’t believe who you have grown into. Besides having long legs and crazy bedhead all the time, you are a good kid. We hear from Miss Amy and Miss Jamie how you offer to help, show your manners and be kind when you don’t think anyone is watching. Out of everything we want for you, we want you to be kind. It sounds like you are on the right track.

As a 4 year old you had quite a few new experiences!

You took your first vacation to Ocean City and stayed in a ‘big house with lots of rooms’ (or a hotel as we called it).

You moved into a new home with a new space themed bedroom! It’s usually a mess with your treasures, but for now we can step over your Lego collections.

You REALLY got into Halloween this year. You were the cutest astronaut and spent weeks leading up to AND weeks following the holiday talking about skeletons, zombies and pumpkin picking. You even mastered how to draw a skeleton and came home with hundreds of skeleton drawings. 

Your imagination and creativity really came out this year. You’ve enjoyed doing art projects and coloring in the evenings before bed. I have to admit, you are REALLY good at coloring. Recently you’ve take up singing and dancing and just being an all around performer. Your favorite song seems to be The Greatest Show from The Greatest Showman. But you aren’t picky. You love the Ghostbusters theme song too.

SPEAKING of Ghostbusters … That has consumed so much of our time and energy. Daddy and I aren’t real sure where it came from since the movie came out in the 80s, but you are obsessed. You love the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man and Slimer the best. You know the difference between the ‘old’ Ecto-1 (from the original movie) and the ‘new’ Ecto-1 (from the Melissa McCarthy movie). We’ve indulged you a bit, but I am sure this obsession will quickly be replaced with something new.

You closed out your year 4 by playing your first team sport – t-ball! You didn’t love it, but you didn’t hate it either. Contact with the ball never really happened unless it was on a tee, and after a few swings you would make contact and it went FAR. We will see how you are feeling this time next year, but Daddy and I enjoyed sitting on the sidelines. You also passed level 1 swimming this year and are totally independent as long as you are wearing your puddle jumpers. We joined the pool this summer, so we are looking forward to seeing you advance.

My sweet love, your belly laugh and requests for ‘nuggles’ makes my heart soar. We are so proud of the boy you are becoming and look forward to you being one whole hand. Keep asking questions, keep looking for adventures and keep being kind.

With all my heart all the time, happy birthday,

Momma xoxo

Let Me See Your Handshake

After college when I started working for an association that had a global membership of top entrepreneurs I started to pay attention to handshakes. And it wasn’t just the ones I was getting, but the ones I was giving. I made a conscious effort to give a firm, confident handshake while giving eye contact and a smile. It’s hard enough to be female these days, but a female in the workplace needs to take every opportunity to be taken seriously – starting with a handshake.

So what does this have to do with parenting? Nothing really. But I’ve mentioned a few times on social media that we have a ‘family handshake’ and a few people have asked to about it. To be honest, I don’t remember how it evolved, but it wasn’t a conscious decision. I do remember it coming about in the fall when it was parent’s day at his school and for some reason he was overwhelmed and started crying. We obviously wanted to run over and scoop him up to find out what the fuss was about, but it was the middle of circle time and his teachers are competent (and reacted appropriately). But from the other side of the room I wanted to make sure he knew we saw him and he was okay. So I gave him a thumbs up. He repeated it. So I gave him the ‘okay’ symbol and he repeated that as well. From there our handshake grew and sometimes there are ‘special additions’

Now S., Mikey and I do ‘our handshake’ when we can’t verbally communicate with him, before bed and at the ‘goodbye’ window at school. It’s hardly a secret handshake, but I love that we have something that unites us that is as simple as a few hand gestures. So, without further ado, our handshake performed by Mikey!

Dear Mollie the Five Year Old

Dearest Mollie,

How are you one whole hand? I remember the day you were born – I am sure you will hear this story many times over, so I won’t bore you with the exciting details of your grand entrance again.

I am writing this to you as I fly from Maryland to Texas which gives me lots of time to think about what this year has brought for you. You didn’t become a sister this past year, but you really felt what it was like to have a little sister, especially one who required some extra attention. I was so impressed with how easily you bounced between houses, hung out in doctor’s offices and explained to everyone, even strangers, about your sister’s lip.

Uncle Sammy and I got to see you in action at your first (hopefully of many) ballet recitals. You also discovered My Little Ponies this year much to my excitement. Grandma and Grandpa got you the set for Christmas and you happily explained who everyone was. They have changed quite a bit since I was a little girl!

Your personality hasn’t changed one bit since you were born. You are still headstrong and sweet. One time, when we were going to the park to feed the ducks, you asked if I knew your Daddy. I explained that yes, I did know your Daddy, he is my brother. Well, you were having none of that and insisted it couldn’t be true. You were so adamant that I wasn’t your Daddy’s sister that I started to believe it myself! I can easily see law school in your future, but you could also be a superstar sales executive with your determination and sweet smile.

You and Mike have reached a new level of friendship that melts my heart. You both spent more time together this year and have shown him how things are done since you are a whole two months older, thus making you wise to the ways of the world. You could easily be one of his favorite people!

My sweet Mollie, happy 5th birthday. I hope this year brings you new adventures, new friends and more giggles. And selfishly, I hope you get more Barbies who need their hair brushed and outfits changed.

Love always,

Aunt Jay Jay

Brave Trails

Hi friends! It’s a yucky day in Maryland and work is crazy busy, but I wanted to take a few minutes to let you know I am raising money for Brave Trails via Facebook for my birthday tomorrow (don’t let that stop you from buying me a present though).

This blog has taken me in some interesting directions like meeting Matt Marr of the Dear Mattie Podcast. You might remember he asked me to be a guest and talk about the 12 For 1 Diaper Drive a few years ago. Well, Matt is someone I deeply admire for so many reasons. One big thing he’s done (and he’s done plenty) is help bring Camp Brave Trails to fruition.

Growing up I went to Camp Mardela and it was such a transformative experience. A lot of my summer memories were made there as well as lifelong friendships. It helped shape who I am today. Camp Brave Trails is a camp specifically for LGBTQ teens to cultivate their leadership skills.

I’ve watched a lot of their promos videos and read lots about Brave Trails and I realized as a straight cis female I didn’t need a place to fit in. I fit in almost everywhere. But for LGBTQ teens – they need some safe spaces and Brave Trails not only offers that, but more. They do the regular camp activities like archery, skits and campfires but they also do social justice, learn about self acceptance and fundraising for causes close to their heart. In short – Brave Trails is shaping our future leaders and damn if we don’t need a little hope for future leadership these days. 

Other good news – Brave Trails is not only going to be doing 2 week long sessions in California, but they are coming to Maryland for a week! If you have a chance, like them on Facebook and look at how happy those kids are.

If you’d like to donate, here’s how: http://www.bravetrails.org/donate-here/

So far my birthday fundraiser has raised enough money to sponsor a day of leader training. Leaders training leaders – I like that. And I will leave you with a picture of me during my Camp Mardela years.  It basically sums up camp – bucket hats, jorts, gimp bracelets and rosy cheeks.

Hello, It’s Me

Hello, it’s me.

If I am being honest I think about blogging and Muddling Momma every day. Mostly on my way to work, or on the way home from work and in the shower. But I haven’t posted in ages. I think the main reason is I am not sure what I want this blog to be. I originally started here as a way to share my infertility journey. That morphed (thankfully) into life as a pregnant person. Then into life of a new mom. And most recently, life as a mom in general. I am obviously still a mom, but I am not sure I want to share every detail of my son’s life. I carefully curated a lot of stuff on this blog with him in mind. Who knows what kids will be doing in 10 years when he is 14, perhaps blogging will be a thing of a past, but I don’t want his high school baseball/math club/DnD club/band members stumbling on this and finding out he pooped in the bathtub (he didn’t, FYI). I share enough of the funny stuff on Facebook.

But I am not ready to give up the idea of blogging. I am hoping to have another baby soon. I started working again full time in an executive level position, I am preparing to travel for the first time since Mike was born. I am stumbling on cool products for him, me, and families in general. We are exploring Maryland and I want to share that.

But let’s face it. I’m tired. Parents get that. So I might not post daily, weekly – hopefully monthly. But I am excited to produce new content that is useful. Stay tuned, and thanks for hanging in with me through this season of life.

Radio Silence

I’m still here. I honestly have lost some motivation to blog lately. I think about it daily, but when push comes to shove, I don’t feel like I have much to say. Things have gone a little sideways with my career – I have been unemployed since Halloween, but I am hopeful that after the holidays the interviews will pick up. In the meantime I have been making sugar scrubs and there has been a bunch of local interest in them for gifts. I even opened an Etsy shop!

We moved into our new home – our first home! And we are looking forward to celebrating the holidays here. It feels like a mansion compared to our previous rentals. We are planning on growing our family in the new year with the help of Shady Grove again. I am not excited to start the infertility process again, but we’ve learned the end result is well worth the hassle.

I’ll be back in a few weeks when I am out of my funk. We’ve all been there. In the meantime, my kid is beyond adorable …

 

Happy Birthday Marcie Jane!

Dear Miss Marcie Jane –

You are 1 (and a few weeks)! When on earth did that happen? Some days I feel like you are still a couple months old, but then I remember how much you’ve been through and I think you should be 16 by now. But alas, you are wonderfully one.

My sweet niece, you came into this world with so many people loving you and wondering what your future held – more so than other babies – because of your cleft. Once you were here it was obvious you were not going to be held back by that or anything else for that matter! We spent a lot of time together in the hospital MJ and while I hate that you had so many hospital visits, I am glad I could be there for you and your Momma and Daddy.

You have a personality bigger than I think we were ready for and that is going to take you places! If I had to place a bet, I think you are going to be the one to stand up to injustice. Why you ask? Well, you sit quietly and observe. You take in what’s going on and who is doing what. THEN when you think you’ve been wronged you voice your concerns. Loudly. More ice cream, warmer bottle, being picked up … we know what you want. I think you are going to use that quietness to see things that aren’t right in the world and then use your loud voice to make a change.

Your cousin Mikey is smitten with you. He always says ‘Mah-see is coot’. He will see a toy commercial on TV and say he wants to give it to you. I think between him and your sister you have quite a posse.

You have such an exciting life ahead of you with so many people in your corner. Sweet MJ, if you need anything ever Aunt Jay Jay has your back. I love you!

Happy Birthday,

Aunt Jackie

Since You’ve Been Gone

Whoa, it’s been a hot minute hasn’t it. I am finding that after the 12 For 1 Diaper Drive I tend to take a break from blogging. It’s not really planned, but it tends to go that way. Which is a shame since we’ve had a lot of fun the past month! I’ll catch you up.

Mike had his first screening for Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy and tested just fine with no restrictions. This was great news to confirm, but we already had a feeling he was just fine.

Mikey started his 2nd year of preschool at the same place he was last year and over the summer. His favorite color is red and he wants to be an astronaut.

I started a temp job in Annapolis and this is my view – fingers crossed it goes permanent in a few weeks.

We took our first family vacation (where we didn’t stay with family) to Ocean City. Mike loved the beach!

He wasn’t too keen on the rides, but did jump on the boats for a spin.

Did I mention we stayed in a hotel? Mike loved letting either Mommy or Daddy sleep in ‘his bed’.

Oh yeah, #12for1 raced passed the 15K goal and went right to 22K diapers. No biggie 😉