I decided a few days ago, in my Clomid induced depression, I want fertility jewelry. After that depression lifted, I realized, I probably just want jewelry. Which strikes me as so silly since I wear my wedding rings and a pair of studs everyday (for someone who has 3 holes in each lobe, I never use all at once). I just don’t indulge in jewelry.  Is there even such a thing as fertility jewelry?

Yes. Yes there is. And Etsy is the place to find them. Oddly enough, in my research, I have yet to find ‘proof’ that certain stones help in fertility. Obviously, I love the concept of Eastern Medicine. I’ve found information on reiki, acupuncture, yoga, meditation and herbs … but no stones. Tell that to the masses on Etsy who got the memo that rose quartz and moonstones are the key to babies.  I assume it’s true, because if you are going to make up a fertility ‘stone’ it should be diamonds.

I would love to see S’s face when I ask for a diamond tennis bracelet to help me get knocked up. Women around the world would be buying birth control in secret while adding to their jewelry collection – “Not this month hun, but Jared’s is having a sale on diamond earrings!’ ….

Here are a few of my favorites:

Phew. I just got off the phone with another amazing nurse at my OB/GYN’s. I called because a) I never ovulated b) I got my period c) I have no idea what I am doing next.

Here’s the good news (What? Good news?!) – since I had my period, I don’t have to suffer through Prometrium. AND (yes, ther eis more), I got my period on my own. Dare I say my body is on the road to cooperating?

The bad news … I am on a higher dose of Clomid. Yes, I know what I am in for side effect wise, but because I know, I am not looking forward to it. But without the Prometrium, this is going to go much faster I think. 5 days of 100mg of Clomid, then peeing on a stick (and my hand).

Maybe this time.

Can I be real for a minute? I am going to write more on this later, but basically, women’s bodies are a bit on the gross side. Which leads me to my body with PCOS.

Ladies blessed with PCOS know the side effects – weigh gain, high testosterone, cysts, missing period … and facial hair. There I said it. Facial hair (PS – S. has no idea I have chin hairs. At least I hope not.). Thankfully birth control kept it to a minimum, but now that I off the pills, I am sporting a 5 o’clock shadow … and a noon shadow …. and a 9 o’clock in the effing morning shadow. 

Before, a simple morning glance would result 2-3 plucks, but now I could spend at least 20 minute plucking and searching. Remember Tim Allen in the Santa Clause? When he was in denile of being Santa, he woke up, had a huge, bushy white beard, shaved, walked away from the mirror, walked back and the big bushy beard again … that’s how I feel! Well, not as bad, but seriously.

Sometimes I have a hard enough time getting out of bed, now I have a reason. I would be mortified if anyone saw me with a full beard.

I was originally writing a post about how impatient and uniformed I am about what the heck I am doing regarding drugs, calendars and when it’s time to panic. I decided it’s time to call my doctor and figure out what the eff is up.

Lucky for me, I spoke with Nurse Betty. I am not using real names in this blog (frankly, the protect the innocent bystanders in my hormonal rages), but Nurse Betty is really named Betty. If you imagine what a nurse named Betty looks and sounds like, that’s my Nurse Betty.  So, please don’t Google a nurse named Betty in the DC Metro area and harass her. She is so grandmotherly and southern, she might be our unborn baby’s namesake by the time this crap is over.

So anyway … I talk to Nurse Betty, who is delightfully no bullshit, and she tells me to be patient. I explained I stopped Clomid on the 2nd and still haven’t ovulated, and we decided to wait another week for the smiley face (her words). If nothing happens, I need to an early pregnancy blood test, then we start this whole process over with a higher dose of Clomid. After 3 cycles of the Clomid, and no pregnancy, I will get to visit a Reproductive Specialist (dun, dun, dun.)

I also explained, I read What to Expect Before You are Expecting (more on that later), and it said to take the fertility test in the middle of the day because morning pee-pee could give a false negative. She, very nicely, informed me pee-pee is pee-pee. Good, I was about to go bat crap crazy if I missed my ovulation window.

Would it have killed the Backup Doctor to alert me to all these details?

I should have updated sooner, but there hasn’t been much to report about the baby makin’ status. I have been peeing on the ovulation kit and so far, the empty circle has been showing up. It dawned on me yesterday that I might NOT ovulate this round. Which gives me a feeling of defeat. I would hate to think the past few weeks were for nothing. BUT – it’s too soon to get worried. I took to Google again and a lot of women said they ovulated about 7 days after their last Clomid.

Here’s to a whole lotta nothin’.