I’m not going to lie – motherhood is kinda hard. I mean, rewarding, but hard. And it doesn’t help my hormones are freaking the eff out, and my body hates me since it expelled a small human. Don’t worry, I am doing well – but the first week was the hardest. Lots of tears over breastfeeding and tears over stupid stuff. Stuff like:
- Mike is devastatingly adorable, so much so I can’t stand it.
- Mike will eventually leave me and go to college, and I am not sure I can bare the thought of that.
- Mike will probably get married and his wife will hate me and I will never see him again.
Totally logical and rational right? So much so, I ugly cried in my OB’s office when she asked how I was doing (I think she was referring to pain, not emotions, but whatev). I didn’t take the Zoloft prescription right away, but had them call it in when I got home.
Guess what? Life got super happier and easier. And everyday, if I don’t take my Zoloft by 5:00, tears flow. I am sure this will get better, but for now, I am thankful for drugs. I am also thankful for my family who talked me off the proverbial ledge a few times. Here’s an email my mom sent me that made SO much sense in my 6th day of being a Mommy:
I don’t know if you were having a flashback while we were just on the phone but I sure was. Kindergarten, middle school, college … I always had to have a come-to-Jesus talk with you about your unrealistic expectations. With school it always had to do with the fact that you were suppose to be learning, not showing what you know and as a result, having a meltdown about not knowing it. You’d always cry and say, “But I don’t know this!” And I’d say, “Right! It’s called SCHOOL, and it’s where you LEARN and then you know it at the END, not the BEGINNING!”Mommyhood is much the same. It’s the beginning, not the end! When Mikey is finished being a baby, you’ll know all about babies. Then you can cry over the fact that you don’t know anything about toddlers.So it’s all okay and you are right on track. I guess now isn’t the time to mention that this whole dynamic is why every mom deserves baby #2.I love you! xoxo