Category: Being Mom

Dear Hannah: 2 & 3 Months

My sweet Baby Hannah –

Yes, I have already skipped writing you a monthly letter. But alas, your 2 month birthday landed on my first day back from maternity leave and your brother’s first day of school. To say I was a little busy was an understatement. I’ll try to do better.

In true baby fashion, once I feel like we’ve hit a groove, you throw a monkey wrench into the plan and we start again. You are hitting your milestones and growing (GROWING) so much every day. I like to say you have more thigh rolls than an airport Cinnabon!

You are obsessed with your boys – and they are obsessed with you. Even Daddy, who is the more serious of your two parents, puts on a silly voice just to get a smile out of you which you give willingly. Your brother always asks me to bring you with me to pick him up from daycare so he can tell people you are ‘freaking adorable’.

You are trying really hard to roll over and figure out how to put your Bubba back in your mouth. Which I would love for you to master because at night when it falls out you immediately start screaming. You are also working on sitting on your own and love sitting in your baby chair on the kitchen table while everyone is getting ready for dinner.

We laugh about your best friend Dr. Phan (our ceiling fan). You can watch him for an hour before dozing off. You still love looking at dangly things and I can see the wheels turning in your head on how to get it in your hand and then into your mouth.

You are the best coworker while Daddy and I are working from home. You pretty much hang out in bed with me while I am working and babble to me or doze off for your morning and afternoon nap. We sneak downstairs to give Daddy a kiss too!

You finally met your Great Aunt Cathy and Great Uncle Bill who were, of course, totally smitten with you. We celebrated Grandma and Daddy’s birthdays on the shore and you were the belle of the ball with your cousins. They are going to be so much fun when you are older.

Well my littlest love, happy 3 month birthday. You are a gift and a joy.

Love,

Momma xoxo

Baby Birthing Soundtrack

Guess what? Hannah Beth is here! She arrived right on time via c-section on July 8. I will write more about her birth story and how the past three weeks have been going, but first I wanted to share my ‘Baby Birthin’ Soundtrack’.

I remember with Mike asking my OB if I could request certain music be played during his c-section. She was a no-nonsense type of doc and said that it would happen too quickly to really have a playlist. They did have music playing, so our sweet Mike was born to ‘Fifty Ways to Say Goodbye’ by Train. Which was nice because S. and I love Train (and have seen them live multiple times), but it is hardly what I would pick to hear as meet our firstborn.

Fast forward seven years and we are planning a no-nonsense c-section again and two days before Hannah is born, my new OB mentions making a playlist. So I went to researching the perfect songs to listen to while having major abdominal surgery AND bringing new life into the world.

Google was worthless with the majority of ideas since we aren’t really ‘Butterfly Kisses’ type people. A Facebook friend suggested just playing my favorites playlist, but there is nothing appropriate on that list for public consumption. I am going through a bit of a 90’s rap phase right now.

Thankfully I was able to find some awesome songs from my library for my playlist. Without further ado:

Dear Theodosia (Regina Spektor): As a parent and a Hamilton fan, I couldn’t not include this one.

When you smile, you knock me out, I fall apart
And I thought I was so smart

Welcome to Wonderland (Anson Seabra): I am not sure where I first heard this song, but it has such a pretty lullaby type melody and great visualizations.

Welcome to Wonderland
I’ll be your guide
Holding your hand under sapphire skies
Let’s go exploring or we could just go for a walk

High Hopes (Panic at the Disco): Not exactly the slowest, sweetest song ever written, but I love Panic and played them a lot my last trimester. Miss Hannah always responded to them this song and you can’t NOT smile when you hear it!

Mama said
Fulfill the prophecy
Be something greater
Go make a legacy
Manifest destiny

Cecilia and The Satellite (Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness): I loved this song the minute I heard it and when I realized McMahon was the lead singer for Something Corporate, it made sense. He wrote this song for his unborn daughter and the lyrics are beautiful. This is the song that was playing when Hannah was born.

If I could fly
Then I would know
What life looks like from up above and down below
I’d keep you safe
I’d keep you dry
Don’t be afraid Cecilia
I’m the satellite
And you’re the sky

No Plans (Jason Maraz): Maraz always has great, catchy songs and this one is no different. AND it is how I feel about Hannah right now, I have no plans for us – just sitting around loving each other.

If we dream it, we can be it
I’m putting all these feelings
In giving good vibes to you
I could stay right here all evening
Just listening to you breathing
And taking in the view

Daughter (Loudon Wainwright III): My Dad and I danced to this song at my wedding and it is so sweet and has such great memories for me. And some of the lyrics will probably ring true for Hannah!

Everything she sees
She says she wants
Everything she wants
I see she gets

A Thousand Years (Christina Perri): Anyone who has gone through fertility struggles knows this song by heart. It really speaks to how I felt when she arrived. I FELT like I had waited 1000 years for her.

I have died everyday, waiting for you
Darling, don’t be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more

Wait for It (Hamilton Cast): Yet another Hamilton song! This has always been one of my favorite songs from the musical and I really like the surface message.

Wait for it Wait for it
I am the one thing in life I can control
Wait for it Wait for it
Wait for it Wait for it
I am inimitable I am an original

A Million Dreams (Anthem Lights): I am always a sucker for a good acoustic or acapella cover and The Greatest Showman is one of my current favorite soundtracks. A million dreams is what I hope for Hannah.

‘Cause every night I lie in bed
The brightest colours fill my head
A million dreams are keeping me awake
I think of what the world could be
A vision of the one I see
A million dreams is all it’s gonna take
A million dreams for the world we’re gonna make

Don’t You Worry Child (Anthem Lights): I like both the original and the cover of this song and remembered it came out when I was trying to get pregnant with Mike. Heaven did have a plan for us – a family of four!

Don’t you worry, don’t you worry child
See heaven’s got a plan for you
Don’t you worry, don’t you worry now, yeah

I Hope You Remember

Dear Mike,

The last few weeks (and likely the upcoming weeks) have been a challenge. We’ve been inside the house a lot and focusing on staying healthy and not sharing germs. It’s been hard for you to understand why we can’t see family, go to the playground, or go swimming. It hasn’t been much fun most of the time, but there have been some good things I hope you remember during this time in quarantine.

{Sleeping in Mommy and Daddy’s bed} It used to be a rare treat, but lately it’s been a nightly thing. You get the best rest there and it gives Daddy and I time downstairs to watch something other than Spongebob. Plus, there are extra morning snuggles. I know it’s temporary, but it is working for us.

{Playing the Nintendo Switch} I never had a ‘gaming’ system growing up so when Daddy suggested it, I was really hesitant. But our vacation was canceled so we had the extra funds and we (finally) found one and it has been an AMAZING investment for us as a family and individually. We’ve started playing it in the afternoons when our day is done and I hope you remember how much fun laughing and being competitive. Then when it is just Daddy and me, we play old school Nintendo games.

{Seeing Daddy and me working} Every day was the same, you went to school and we went to work. Our jobs aren’t so simple to understand like a police officer or teacher. I hope you remember seeing us on the phone with coworkers and working on our computers. I hope you know our work is important and needed during this time.

{Snuggles} No one will argue that this time is hard on everyone, including little kids. You tend to need quiet time to process things and think about things and I’ve noticed you do that snuggling. I’ve kept a quarantine ‘journal’ on Facebook and each day mentions snuggles. Sometimes you just want to lay quietly under a blanket, some days with a book, and some days watching TV. I hope you remember how it made you feel. I hope it makes you feel safe, loved, and adored (because you are).

{Getting ready for Hannah} While we’ve been home, we’ve been getting ready for Hannah’s arrival! You’ve been helping in the room and picking out clothes and reminding us what we need to get (mostly toys). You’ve been a HUGE help and I hope you remember that.

I hope you remember what little things we sacrificed to do what was right for our community. It wasn’t always fun or easy, but we are continuing to do it.

So much love,

Momma xoxo

Dear Hannah: Your First Letter

Dear Sweet Hannah –

It’s your first letter and the start of our last few months ‘just you and me’. According to my app you are as big as a rollerblade. I am pretty sure you will have no idea what those are, so when you are old enough, ask Daddy. He was coordinated when he was younger and can show you pictures.

I must say, growing you has given me a run for my money. You are busy most of the night and a good part of the day. You are refusing to stretch out higher than my belly button so your Irish dancing is doing a number on my bladder. You really like to hear your brother’s voice and any music. Will you be a dancer like Mike? I hope so!

We’ve started putting your room together and gathering what we need for your arrival. It is so much fun shopping for pink and glitter. I figure until you can decide for yourself, you are going to be a walking sparkle. Will you have hair? I hope so, you’ve been given a lot of bows! I know your cousins will be thrilled.

It’s a strange time my sweet girl. Not at all how I expected our first few months just you and me to go. But we’ve made the most of it and I’ve gotten quite a bit of rest and time to think about you. It is certainly going to be something I hold over you for the rest of my long life. I never imagined after two years of thinking, praying, crying, and wanting you I would be giving birth during a pandemic!

Hannah, please stay in as long as you can and keep cookin’. And for the love of all things holy in this world … move OFF MY BLADDER.

With love,

Momma xo

Dear Mollie: Super Seven!

Mollie –

How strange is it I have all the time in the world right now, but have been dragging my feet to get you your letter. It is really a weird time we are experiencing and I haven’t been sure what to say. I just hope when you look back on when you turned seven you won’t remember what you lost out on but what you gained. A Zoom singalong! Presents delivered to your driveway! A family day! This will just be a second of your long life my dear.

Now. On to the fun stuff kiddo. You are still my silly, smiley girl who always has a story. You feel big things and love even bigger. I love to listen to you play with Mike – you always have a pretend story in your head and he more than happy to play along. And soon you will be the OLDEST cousin to a new youngest! She will need a strong girl to follow and I bet that will be you.

One of my favorite memories from this year was our family trip to the beach. One of the days you trusted me enough to hold on to a boogie board and float along the waves with me. I taught you want Grandpa taught ME when I was little. When a wave comes you jump, kick, kick, kick to stay afloat until it passes. We had so much fun not just then, but on the whole trip.

I love you Mols. Be brave.

Love,

Aunt Jay Jay xo

22 Weeks: a Barbie

How far along? 22

Size of baby: A Barbie! This excites me to know end hoping Hannah is a Barbie lover.

Total weight gain/measurements: I have no clue. I am sure I’ve lost some since the gestational diabetes diagnosis

Sleep: Crazy dreams, pottying a lot …

Best moment this week: The guys feeling her move! I’ve been feeling her stretching and dancing around for a few weeks now. Mike felt her a few days ago and his eyes got big. Sam felt her last night and thought I was doing the movement on purpose. She’s a strong one!

Miss anything? Eating when I want without thinking. I realize this is not a good thing to be doing in the first place, but the planning is killing me.

Food cravings: Actually, nothing really. I am eating a lot of prosciutto.

Symptoms: Tired, sweaty, obviously more emotional.

Half Way There!

How far along? 21 weeks tomorrow

Size of baby: A paper airplane

Total weight gain/measurements: I think I am up about 8 pounds.

Sleep: I toss a bit, I turn a bit, I sweat like I just stole a car …

Best moment this week: Having a great anatomy scan at my high-risk doctor. She is growing like a champ and even breathing on her own smarty pants!

Also, we went to Monster Truck Jam and girl LOVED it. I think. I took her busy movements as love for the noise and vibration.

Miss anything? A bunch of stuff. I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes, which is a first for me. I am working on accepting this and getting as much information and assistance as I can to make sure we are both healthy for the next few months. So I miss not having something else to worry about.

Food cravings: Actually, nothing really. I am still eating a lot of cheese.

Symptoms: Tired, sweaty, obviously more emotional.

Week 10: A Lego Mini-Figure

How far along? 10 weeks today!

Size of baby: A Lego Mini-figure. Mike is going to be SO excited, he loves mini-figures

Total weight gain/measurements: Still no idea. Probably safer that way …

Sleep: I am managing, but my crazy dreams are taking over!

Best moment this week: Going ‘social media official’. It just shows how much our family is loved and supported.

Miss anything? Drinking Diet Coke ALL DAY.

Food cravings: Just meat and cheese. And breakfasts.

Anything making you queasy or sick? Not really. I seem to have turned a corner with nausea.

Symptoms: Fatigue, mood swings (mostly instant rage over stupid things)

9 Weeks: A Jack

How far along? 9 weeks today!

Size of baby: A jack

Total weight gain/measurements: Yikes, I have no clue! I was working on losing weight before I got pregnant, so I am sure it is pretty significant.

Sleep: I do it. And I love it.

Best moment this week: Graduating Shady Grove! After 2 years I am ready for the real deal.

Miss anything? Underwear that fits. I decided I am going to be comfortable this go around and not put off maternity wear (especially since my pants are a little snug) so I am wearing stretch 75% of the time. But I still need some maternity underwear that will STAY UP.

Food cravings: It varies, but definitely meat, cheese, and salt. I could crush some sausage right now.

Anything making you queasy or sick? Nothing really specific, I am able to eat more now – which is good.

Symptoms: Fatigue, mood swings (this morning I cried in the car listening to a Selena Gomez song and thinking about Justin Bieber did her dirty), queasiness.

Dear Sally

Dear Sally,

You were the biggest non-surprise of our life!

2 years
5 timed intercourse cycles
1 IUI
1 chemical pregnancy
58 shots

On October 23rd I had an IUI and today was my third blood test and you are rocking and rolling with a strong HCG level of 490.

Your brother already loves you so much. When I asked him how he would help with his new sibling, he said he would name you Molly. But you have a cousin named Mollie, so Mike said he would name you Sally. While we love how involved he is already, you will not be named Sally. But until we decide if you are he or she, I’m going to call you Sally.

Sweet Sally, so many people are praying for you and loving you already. In a few weeks, we will see that pretty heartbeat flicker – I am confident. Until then we will think about you, dream about you, talk about you, and pray for your stickiness.

Love,

Momma xoxo