Category: Pregnancy

I Am Just Waiting

36 weeks and a few days … I’m starting to really feel like I am super, SUPER pregnant. I’m not sleeping, everything aches, I can’t do what I need to do – like pick up utensils that I dropped or drain the bathtub while I am still in it.  In my sleepless nights, I am able to imagine Mikey a bit more, and how our life will be when he’s here. Or so I think. I also spend time thinking about what I WON’T do or say to pregnant women now that I’ve been pregnant.  The number 1 on my  ‘Don’t Do’ list is say, ‘Oh, you just wait’.

I’ve heard this so many times during my pregnancy I could scream, and honestly, it’s become a joke with my friends and family. I’ve been getting this a lot from new moms, old moms, not moms and the like.  It usually goes something like this:

J: My hips hurt so bad, I am having the worst time sleeping.
Mom: You just wait! When that kid gets here you will NEVER SLEEP!


J: S. and I are going to the movies today! Any suggestions?
Mom: You just wait! You will never see another movie again when you have a kid. [notice she never answered my question?]


J: The house is a disaster, I need to do some cleaning tonight.
Mom: You just wait! Pretty soon kids toys will be everywhere.

First of all, the term ‘you just wait’ is very threatening. Why are you threatening me with things I already know? I know I won’t sleep much (unless you are my sister in law, who has a 4 week old she has to wake up to nurse. I have yet to see that kid’s eyes), I know our couple time will be limited and our house will continue to be a disaster. We’ve seen sitcoms, we have friends with kids … we thought of all this.

Second of all, just because that was your experience, doesn’t mean it will be mine. I worked for an organization of entrepreneurs and we used the Gestalt Language Protocol, which basically means speaking from EXPERIENCE versus ADVICE. I try to use this on the regular and I think it has kept me, and will keep me, out of the ‘you just wait’ category.  So when I mention how my hips hurt and I’m not sleeping, instead of responding how I will never sleep again, a mom could say, “I know! My hips were a wreck the last month and I didn’t sleep either. When Mikey gets here, try to sleep when he sleeps.”

Look new moms, old moms, and no moms. I would love to hear your advice instead of your condescending ‘you – have- no – idea – what – you’ve – gotten – yourself – into – silly – girl’ phrase of ‘you just wait’.

Please know this is annoying and not helpful to pregnant women.

Go Away, Oh Wait a Minute

This is a post I never thought I would write. Going through the weeks of shots and first trimester of waiting, I never thought the day would come when I was so tired of being pregnant. I knew it would be hard, but I would be so thankful through every process. I am having a hard time with my mind going back and forth with emotions now that we are down to the last 4 weeks of pregnancy.

Go Away:

Mikey – it is time. I know you need a few more weeks to cook, but Mommy is really tired of being pregnant. REALLY tired. Because I’m not sleeping so well, mainly because YOU aren’t sleeping well my little night owl. My feet look like Fred Flintstone’s and my back and tushie are screaming for a daily massage. While Daddy is so good at rubbing all my aches and pains – it would be a lot easier if I wasn’t carrying you around! I also miss sleeping in the same bed as your Daddy.  I am so ready to see your little face, perhaps my eyes with Daddy’s nose (he would be so sad for you if that’s the case) or my nose with Daddy’s lips! Will you sleep through the night like your cousin Mollie? Or be a night owl like you are now? A few more weeks and we’ll know for sure. It’s time to come out!

Oh Wait a Minute:

Well crap. When you arrive, which we are so looking forward too, I think I will be sad to not be pregnant anymore. No more knowing smiles from strangers or people asking me when I’m due and gushing over how ‘small’ I look for 4 weeks left. No more eating what I want, when I want (you are the perfect excuse!) and no more getting Daddy to rub my feet or pick up what I dropped.  But mostly, I think  I am going to miss our late night jam session. Me, wide awake, poking at you through my belly and you poking back. Or when I am sitting at my desk deep in thought and I get a quick jab reminding me that you are still there and I should probably shift. People look at non-pregnant people funny when they rub their belly – I should probably break that habit when you arrive. It’s been nice knowing you are always with me, safe and sound.

See what I mean? I want this kid out and in my arms, but I kinda like him in my belly and out of trouble.

What Happens in the Dark

Anyone who has been pregnant knows that sleep becomes a strange thing. You’ve taken it for granted for so long. I use to stay up until 2AM in college, then nap in the afternoons and how I neglected to appreciate that during the time. Since getting married, and before getting pregnant, I would get in bed around 8PM to watch TV with S, and by 10 I was passed out. Now? Who the heck knows what each tonight could bring. Sometimes I will be asleep by 8PM, then up every hour to pee. Other times (mostly when I indulge in a Unisom), I am asleep by 10PM, up once to pee, and sleep like the dead until 8AM.

More often than not, I am ‘napping’ by 10PM, then up every few hours, wide awake and pondering a very odd assortment of  things. Have you seen the movie ‘How Does She Do It‘ with Sarah Jessica Parker? In the beginning, she is up all night running through her to do list. I kinda do the same thing, but it’s not really a to do list, it’s more pondering, worrying and wondering things about our future with a baby. Or stupid stuff. Here’s a quick peek at what I think about when pregnancy induced insomnia kicks in:

  • I wonder what that sex dream with Jason Segel means, and I wonder if he’s Jewish. I need to remember to look him up on IMDB tomorrow.
  • Where is Charlie Beagle and if I get up to pee will it wake him up and make him fuss to go out?
  • Will Charlie like Mikey, and if not, how will we work that out?
  • Mikey will eventually go to college and leave me. Or go to prison and leave me. Does it matter which?
  • I wonder if I had a vocal coach, would my voice be good enough to get me onThe Voice? And if I got on The Voice, which coach would I pick?
  • If I never have another baby, I will never be a Mother of the Bride. Mother of the Groom’s get the short end of the stick.
  • What if Mikey picks a crazy woman as his wife and I don’t like her?
  • Is it Thursday yet? I wonder what time the new People Magazine posts for download. So help me if Snookie is on the cover …
  • I could totally use that Clapper/Salad Spinner/full body girdle/infomercial thing currently on TV. In fact, I’m not sure how I lived without that for so long.
  • Why am I awake, and why does it feel like I am going to give birth Alien styleany minute?
  • I wonder if I am going to have a beautiful baby boy who becomes a holy terror and eventual serial killer. Would I go to court? Would I be one of those mamas on TV who swear he didn’t do it, when it was obvious he did?
There is a quick run down of what I remember thinking about the past few nights while waiting to fall back asleep. What did you think about?

Infertility and Pregnancy Guilt

When we were trying to get pregnant, I imagined being one of those women who never, NEVER, complained about being pregnant. I mean, why would I? We paid a lot of money for me to be pregnant! But guess what. I am Princess Pouty these days, and I feel so guilty about it.

It doesn’t help a lot of my Facebook friends are welcoming their babies (like 3 last night) and I am eager to meet Mikey.  We had a doctor’s appointment last week and my thoughts (and fears) were confirmed – he’s a big one! He’s already 5lbs, when he should be 3.5lb or 4lbs. So I am carrying a lot of baby and my hips and lower back are rebelling. It’s getting harder for me to get up and down, and walking the steps to our apartment leaves me pretty winded.

Also – it’s the worst allergy season since 2010. Which wouldn’t be a problem if I could take my beloved Mucinex DM, but alas, I can’t. I get the piddly pills that hardly work. So I am coughing (and tinkling myself) and sniffling for the past week or so with no end in sight.

I feel like I should be delighting in all aspects of this pregnancy, but I am just not feeling it today. But maybe tomorrow I will feel better. Maybe.

The Bolt Bus Hates Pregnant Women

Well, I am not going to slander the whole Bolt bus line, but if you are 30 weeks pregnant, taking a bus 5 hours is not a good option.  Do you have a Bolt Bus line in your neck of the woods? It’s a great idea. A super cheap bus line that goes from DC to NYC (and a few other stops, like Boston and the Pacific Northwest) for super cheap. Remember how cool it was to be on a coach bus watching movies on your way to the museum on a field trip? Yeah, same idea, but no movie and less cool.

I had to make a last minute trip to NYC for my part time job and you couldn’t beat the $50 round trip ticket. And it’s a bus. How bad can it be?  If I was a college student looking to soak up the NYC night life, the answer is not so bad. If I was 7 months pregnant, the answer is terrible.  First of all, it’s a 5 hour trip sitting. Here’s the run down:

Bus: Meh. It’s a coach bus. They had TVs, but no movies, which I found sad. Really? If you have them, you should use them. Would it kill you to put on Finding Nemo or Seinfield season 1?

Bathroom: Very, VERY important if you are pregnant. I sat near the back to make sure I could get there quickly. But with the way it was situated, the door opened BARELY for me to squeeze in. I’m not a huge pregnant woman either! Plus, with the rocking of the bus, I had to lean against the back wall to hike up my pants. It was a glorified porta-potty, but smelled less … porta potty. Even the toilet paper was thread bare and hanging by a string. Literally. A string.

People: It takes all kinds right? There were all kinds on the Bolt bus. I sat next to a woman from Alaska who was riding standby with her husband for a last minute trip to see some shows for her 60th birthday. She was so kind, and made sure I was comfortable (more on that later).  The couple behind me … well. They were DC hipsters going to some swanky spa in NYC and he is a photographer who photographed Joan Rivers house. Which begs the question … why were they on the Bolt bus? People seemed very pre-occupied with their laptops and ipads, so it was a quiet ride.

Wi-fi: Bolt bus loves to brag on it’s free wi-fi, which was nice. Slow, but nice. The challenge was, the seats didn’t have tray tables, so you had to hold you device in your lap. Again, great – unless you lap is taken over by a pregnant belly.

I would say by hour 4, I was getting restless. Our 10 minute break at the Delaware House wasn’t nearly enough to take care of my restless legs and swollen ankles. I will, of course, use the Bolt bus again when I am sans a pregnant belly.

On an unrelated note, I realized last minute I booked my departure ticket the same day as my return and after 48+ hours in NYC living with my boss, I was close to an epic meltdown. No reason to try to book another ticket – they were sold out for a couple hours, and my ankles didn’t allow any sort of standby.  I sucked it up and Amtraked it home. Tray tables, leg room, huge bathrooms … a pregnant woman’s dream.

Oh the Places You’ll Go

I can’t believe I never blogged about my Northern Virginia baby shower! I had it a few weeks ago, and one of my best friends, MS planned it. It. Was. Perfect. I love reading, and I hope Mikey does too – so it was a Dr. Seuss theme. If you are on Pinterest, get your ‘pin it’ button ready for some of these pictures. MS is so creative and thoughtful. Plus, we had a lot of fun! Here’s some highlights. 

Everyone signed a onsie for Mike with fun messages

Hop on Popcorn!


The happy host, we dressed Dr. Seuss style

Unemployed and Pregnant

Well friends – I got laid off on Friday. I had an inkling it was coming, but not as soon as it did. This is what happens when you work for a start-up that relies on an unreliable government.  I cried, I freaked out and ate pudding – multiple times over the weekend. Now that it’s Monday, I have to get my sh*t together and formulate a plan.

No lies, I’m mad. Not at my employer, or the CEO – but at the situation. I just started my third trimester, a time when I should be feeling for kicks and decorating the nursery and folding clothes, yet I am wondering how we long we are going to have to live on my savings. The odds of me finding a full time job for 2 months, then taking maternity leave is slim to none.  So I am looking for a part time, temporary office job.  Which may or may not happen in time.

And I’m mad I am going to spend my ‘maternity leave’ looking for full time jobs instead of adjusting to life as a mommy and bonding with my baby.  If I am not called back to my previous company (the best situation), I will need to move on to something else. I am lucky to be doing consulting work for a company part time, and that will help supplement what we will need to pull out of savings. And we have family that can help with things – they promise we won’t be naked, hungry, or living on the street.

It still sucks, and I’m still dealing with it. But in a few days I will probably be able to relax and focus on what I need to do to keep Mikey and myself healthy.

Picture This

The trouble with having a blog, and having friends and family read it, means I worry a lot about the things I say offending people. Please know this is never my intention. Look, I hate meatloaf. But that doesn’t mean I judge people who DO like meatloaf (well, openly judge them. Meatloaf is gross). So please don’t take what I am going to say personally. Or anything I say for that matter.

This leads me into my biggest anxiety right now – my maternity pictures. First of all, I’ve always been a big girl, and now that I am pregnant and bigger, I am totally embracing it. But I hate the fact I have 2 baby belly bumps (which pregnancy forum boards refer to as a ‘B Belly’) and I don’t have that perfectly round baby bump. I know at the end of the day, I am growing a super little baby boy, but I am patiently looking forward to a ‘D Belly’ – if it ever appears.

I normally turn my B into a D with full panel pants and such, but I know it’s there, and now that we’ve scheduled our maternity picture session in 2 weeks, I am so worried I will just look like a fat girl having a photo sess with her huberoni.  I am so blessed to have the most amazing, talented, photographer, Laura Dye, who made me look amazing in our engagement and wedding photos. I’ve emailed her quite a few times with my insane rambling anxieties and she is doing a good job of keep me in check and ‘getting it’.

I also sent her a list of things that will not be happening during our maternity photo shoot:

  • Naked bellies – Obvi.
  • Naked husbands – Hey. Husbands have insecurities too!
  • Bows around the belly
  • Doing awkward poses in strange places – Showing the bump while laying on the back of a cow. Strange.
  • Flowing sheets – Hey! Let’s make the big girl feel even bigger! Plus, I tend to get tangled in my sheets in the middle of the night, so adding it into the photo shoot might be disastrous.
  • Lingerie – Unless it’s my big butt, to my belly button maternity panties. I would consider those.

I guess the easiest way to describe what I want is a couple’s photo shoot where I just happen to be pregnant. I’ll keep you posted on how it goes!

Pregnant Life vs. College Life

I updated my Facebook status a few nights ago and pointed out that I was up at 2AM eating chocolate pudding and my friend from high school noted it sounded a lot like his college days. You know what? He’s right. Here’s how being pregnant is a lot like being in college:

Up all night: When I was in college, I had no problem staying up until 3AM to study, or more likely hit a DC bar or club. Why not? I could sleep until 2PM and be up and functional before my Communication Theory class. As a pregnant woman, I am up all night now again! But this time I am heading to the bathroom, adding to my Amazon wishlist, watching TVLand and worrying about having a baby in just a few short months.

Napping in the afternoon: After a night on the town during college, my roommate and I would cat nap or watch The Hills in the afternoon before gearing up for another night out. Nowadays, by 3PM I am so tired from not sleeping at night, and working I cat nap or watch Ellen. It’s a win!

Eating weird food: I was up eating pudding at 2AM this morning and it was glorious. And yes, I had egg drop soup for breakfast and crave MUG root beer (not Barqs or A&W – Mug Root Beer all the way). In college, we would run through the Wendy’s drive thru for french fries and Frostys for dipping at 2AM. And my roommate might have been known for eating Ramen noodles like they were about to be recalled.

Wearing yoga/PJ pants more often than not: I do own some maternity pants, and they are not fun or really comfortable. Working from home allows me to wear anything I want – so I do. I wear maternity yoga pants, or my bathrobe, or my PJ pants. While in college, I wasn’t as bad as some, but I did wear my Marymount sweatpants until they had a hole in the crotch. And maybe a few times afterwards with my knees closed. Did I mention Marymount is a fashion school?

Skipping events to watch TV: I mentioned watching TV or cat napping before right? I am usually so tired by 3PM, I try to bow out of anything social or work related after that time so I can stay in my jammies and watch Ellen or whatever I missed on prime time the night before. My roommate and I used to skip classes to watch The Hills or the Real World – I am totally dating myself here. And if the class was on a Thursday night once a week, it was a miracle we ever showed up (and frankly a miracle we graduated, sorry Mom).

Lots of whining: In college, I whined about everything – snow ruining weekend plans, cheeseburgers again in the cafeteria, the price of textbooks. Now that I am pregnant, I whine just as much. This time it’s about peeing all night, ugly maternity clothes and that annoying hip pain I get mid-afternoon. I’m sure I am just as fun to be around now as in college.

Gaining weight: At Marymount, the cafeteria helped me gain weight. Now my pudding cravings in the middle of the night and the growing boy are helping me. I won’t go into details.

Spending money you don’t have: Babies are expensive, that’s not a surprise. They need a crib, a car seat … even a stroller (what’s up with THAT?). Thanks to the economy, we aren’t exactly rolling in the big bucks. While our wallets are thicker than they were in college, they are still pretty lean. In college, I was silly enough to view credit as cash, so I was buying Gap  sweaters and TJMaxx purses I couldn’t afford. I’ve learned my lesson, and now shop consignment.

Worrying about your future: While I was enjoying the freedom of college life, I was also worrying about my future. Will I get a job (yes)? Will I have to move home (no)? Will I ever find love (yes)? Now I still worry, but about different things. Will I raise a serial killer (doubtful)? Will I ever be able to shave my legs without leaning over and groaning (probably)? Will I drop the baby on his head (probably … no, likely)?

You want what you can’t have: In college I wanted a lot of things I couldn’t have. Designer clothes, a new car, the usual. Now that I’m pregnant, I want food I can’t have. I am suddenly craving mimosas, cold cut subs and sushi. All things I wasn’t pressed about BEFORE getting pregnant!

Am I missing anything?

Maternity Underwear is Not Sexy

It’s been awhile, yes. And I haven’t skipped blogging because I am out of witty things to say, no – I have plenty of things I think that are hilarious to say, but I have been so tired I haven’t really put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard). I should get better at this.

Things are going well pregnancy wise – starting to feel huge, rolling over adds a bit of hilarity to my night, Mikey is kicking up a storm … everything is as it should be. We’ve started working on the nursery and buying ‘bigger’ ticket items 2nd hand that we don’t anticipate people buying for our next baby shower (oh! I need to blog about my first one). Which begs a question – why don’t we have richer friends? We even hired a trainer for our current baby on 4 legs who is terrified of the stroller. TERRIFIED.

6a00e54f937a85883401543484e294970cI am strictly and happily in maternity clothes now, but had been struggling with my *ahem* underwear. I am pretty set in my ways regarding the style and brand of underwear that works for me (Cacique, hipsters if you must know) and I’ve had a hard time giving them up and trying something of the maternity variety because it is so hard to size right and it’s not cheap. And not sexy. Not that my hipsters will ever be on the cover of Maxim, but they aren’t nylon high-waisters from the 70s.

I had a big order going into Amazon, so I added a set of high-waisted underwear from Motherhood Maternity since my waist is getting bigger and thus the underwear will not be that high for long. When I opened the package to show Sam, we all got a good laugh. They were HUGE. Like, no way my shrinking butt and hips and growing belly would fit into those things.

But they did. Perfectly.

And holy sh*t they are comfortable.

Granted, they come up to my belly button and sag a little in my tushie, but they are an answer to my prayers. No more sitting in meetings feeling my hipsters slowly roll down my belly, or walking in the parking lot feeling them creepy down my butt. Or getting changed and seeing the imprint of the elastic on my belly. Can the baby even breathe with underwear that tight? Who cares, I am so in my comfort zone.