Category: Pregnancy

Your Birth Story

One day, Mikey is going to ask about the day he was born and frankly, it was pretty boring compared to some other stories. But it is his story and one I am so very proud of.

Dearest Mikey –

I am sure when you ask about your birth story, you will still be achingly adorable. Here’s what happened. First of all, you were SO wanted. So much so, we had extra help and time to make sure you would arrive for us. We joked you were already an expensive baby and you weren’t even born yet!

We spent lots of time getting ready, with help from lots of people. And as your original due date got closer, and you kept getting bigger, Dr. Hashemi decided it was time to schedule a c-section, so instead of June 9th as we originally planned, you were going to come on June 5th at 9AM. No waiting for contractions, or pacing the hospital through contractions. You had a date and a time of arrival! That gave Daddy and me time to go to the movies and eat out a lot and enjoy your time together thinking about you.

The night before, we stayed home, ordered pizza and watched a pretty lame video. We made sure to get a good nights sleep since we had to be at the hospital very early and drop off Charlie to day care. Grandma was going to pick him up and later and stay with him until we got home.  When we got to the hospital, we took the very long walk through labor and delivery and had to change into hospital clothes. The nurse, Karin, came in and helped us get ready and I know I was feeling very calm. 9 months to think about this moment and it was finally here! I had an IV put in and all my vitals taken. The only concern was my crazy high blood pressure, but thankfully this wasn’t going to stop your arrival, especially since I was feeling fine.

I had to go into the operating room by myself while Daddy waited outside and they put in the numbing medicine and helped me lay down. I was really happy to have some music to listen to to take my mind off the surgery. I also thought about you!  It seemed like forever, but Dad and came in and held my hand while the doctors worked their magic. I felt some pulling and tugging and the doctor told Dad, ‘Okay, Dad, in 90 seconds have your camera ready!’  The next thing I heard was your HUGE cry. You didn’t even make us wait to know you were here. I am sure that hasn’t changed.  Daddy got a huge grin and rushed over to the table to see you and help get you all cleaned up.  The nurse held you over the curtain quickly and all I saw was a big head of hair and a red, angry face.

Once you were cleaned up and measured, which again, felt like forever, Daddy and you came to see me. The nurse put you to my face and you were so soft and squishy. I couldn’t wait to hold you, but my hand was held down by the IV. You turned your head towards me and your mouth opened and you tried to nurse my cheek! We had some pictures taken and I was being stitched up.

Everything happened very quickly after that, but we were whisked into the recovery room where I was able to hold you and you started to nurse. A few hours later we went to our hospital room where we were going to stay for awhile and where all your visitors came – Grandma and Grandpa, Bubbe and Great Aunt Phyllis, Great Aunt Cathy and Miranda. You loved being passed around and cooed over. The big discussion was who you looked like. The verdict was your face was mine, but your profile is Daddy’s. We loved having the crib between my bed and Daddy’s and watching your head and eyes follow the sounds of our voices. We had a hard time believing we created you and you were our’s!

You had a slew of amazing nurses who thought you were the cutest baby ever and loved coming in to check on us. I got very sick with a fever and blood pressure, so we stayed an extra night. You didn’t seem to mind. You did your job – sleep, eat, potty and go back to sleep. You are only 5 days old and have been home 1 full day,  but you seem perfect to us.

I hope you ask about this story often because it is quickly becoming my favorite one to tell. And hopefully by the time you can talk, my hormones will be back to normal and I won’t cry every time I think about it!

With every ounce of my love,


In 24 Hours

In (almost) 24 hours, I will be a mom. This makes me laugh, get choked up and wonder how we got here.  The best part of a c-section is it’s quick. No 18 hours of pushing, just laying there for 10 minutes while someone else does the work. On the other hand, we’ve had this schedule for a week and a half. I would probably have been happier pushing for 18 hours instead of thinking about and Googling for a week and a half.

Just like with pushing, everyone has their own stories and I’ve been obsessed with reading about what the expect, which is … something different for everyone. Am I nervous? Yes! More so than I thought. I had my gallbladder sucked out through my belly button, so how hard could this be? Then again, I am worried about the big stuff. Not feeling connected to my baby (which has nothing to do with having a c-section and everything to do with being bat sh*t crazy), failing miserably at breast feeding, leaving him at the hospital when we are discharged … I know rationally none of this is true, or even remotely true. But a week and a half is a long time to sit and think about (and Google) everything. I’m lucky to have a good support team around me who can assure me that I will bond with the baby, breastfeeding will (or will not) happen (and if not, life goes on) and someone will make sure we have the baby when we leave.

Pregnancy and becoming a parent makes you crazy. And in (almost) 24 hours, I will not be a pregnant anymore.

Hormonal Water Slide

In just 3 shorts days (ish) I am going to be a Mom.

Let me say that again.

In 3 days … I am going to be a Mom.

In the meantime, I am riding the hormonal water slide (I hate roller coasters, for real).  Should I be feeling depressed? I am realizing that in 3 short days everything … everything is going to change. And, yes, I knew this before I even met S. Babies change things. But now it is going to happen really, really soon. I know I’m ready for it, but am I really ready? Too late to worry about that now.

But, I am enjoying the last few days of not being a mom … talking to the belly, feeling the rock concert going on inside (this kid is going to be a mosh pit junkie), going out to eat and seeing $5 movies.  I am ready for him to be here for sure. But what happens after that scares the sh*t out of me. Is that okay to say out loud?

Impatiently Waiting. Again.

It’s amazing how quickly time speeds up, then slows down, then speeds up again.

At our last OB appointment we scheduled a (dun, dun, dun) c-section (more on that later). Mike is getting big and with my diagnosis of PCOS, chances are he will get even bigger and we would end up doing an emergency c-section anyway.  We were in agreement, let’s just cut to the chase.

Since then, everything has sped up. And slowed down. I feel like with the June 5th birthday looming there seems to be so much to do! Everyone is packed for the hospital but me, I need to rest, dust, do everything I will NEVER DO AGAIN WHEN THE BABY COMES … But at the same time, I can’t wait to see his little face (or big face, apparently) and introduce him into a huge family who already loves him so much.

When Mikey asks about his birth, I look forward to telling him what his mommy and daddy did leading up to his birthday. We’ve been eating lots of  ice cream,  painted pottery and talked about what his arrival would mean, gone to brunch at one of our favorite spots and saw Hangover 3. Plus just spending time pondering what his existence will do to our life, different parenting techniques and what that day and recovery will be like. Plus we have been lazy. A lot.

It’s been a pretty fun few weekends, but things are moving so slow.

This is Moving On

I was a little grumpy yesterday wasn’t I? When I started this blog, I was writing for me – I wanted to remember how I felt at certain points and remind me myself of the good and the bad. I guess 5 hours of sleep over 2 nights will make you grumpy and maybe hurt some feelings. I know, I know. YOU JUST WAIT.  The good news is no one told me they were offended, so don’t get me wrong, this is not an apology blog post, this is moving on.

Here’s a funny conversation I had with my Mom last night:

J: I finally took a Unisom to try to get some sleep. I’m dying here.

Mom: Oh good!

J: Wait. What if it knocks me out and I don’t wake up when I have to pee and I pee the bed, then think my water broke?!

Mom: That sounds like a sitcom.

FYI – I didn’t pee the bed.

I Am Just Waiting

36 weeks and a few days … I’m starting to really feel like I am super, SUPER pregnant. I’m not sleeping, everything aches, I can’t do what I need to do – like pick up utensils that I dropped or drain the bathtub while I am still in it.  In my sleepless nights, I am able to imagine Mikey a bit more, and how our life will be when he’s here. Or so I think. I also spend time thinking about what I WON’T do or say to pregnant women now that I’ve been pregnant.  The number 1 on my  ‘Don’t Do’ list is say, ‘Oh, you just wait’.

I’ve heard this so many times during my pregnancy I could scream, and honestly, it’s become a joke with my friends and family. I’ve been getting this a lot from new moms, old moms, not moms and the like.  It usually goes something like this:

J: My hips hurt so bad, I am having the worst time sleeping.
Mom: You just wait! When that kid gets here you will NEVER SLEEP!


J: S. and I are going to the movies today! Any suggestions?
Mom: You just wait! You will never see another movie again when you have a kid. [notice she never answered my question?]


J: The house is a disaster, I need to do some cleaning tonight.
Mom: You just wait! Pretty soon kids toys will be everywhere.

First of all, the term ‘you just wait’ is very threatening. Why are you threatening me with things I already know? I know I won’t sleep much (unless you are my sister in law, who has a 4 week old she has to wake up to nurse. I have yet to see that kid’s eyes), I know our couple time will be limited and our house will continue to be a disaster. We’ve seen sitcoms, we have friends with kids … we thought of all this.

Second of all, just because that was your experience, doesn’t mean it will be mine. I worked for an organization of entrepreneurs and we used the Gestalt Language Protocol, which basically means speaking from EXPERIENCE versus ADVICE. I try to use this on the regular and I think it has kept me, and will keep me, out of the ‘you just wait’ category.  So when I mention how my hips hurt and I’m not sleeping, instead of responding how I will never sleep again, a mom could say, “I know! My hips were a wreck the last month and I didn’t sleep either. When Mikey gets here, try to sleep when he sleeps.”

Look new moms, old moms, and no moms. I would love to hear your advice instead of your condescending ‘you – have- no – idea – what – you’ve – gotten – yourself – into – silly – girl’ phrase of ‘you just wait’.

Please know this is annoying and not helpful to pregnant women.

Go Away, Oh Wait a Minute

This is a post I never thought I would write. Going through the weeks of shots and first trimester of waiting, I never thought the day would come when I was so tired of being pregnant. I knew it would be hard, but I would be so thankful through every process. I am having a hard time with my mind going back and forth with emotions now that we are down to the last 4 weeks of pregnancy.

Go Away:

Mikey – it is time. I know you need a few more weeks to cook, but Mommy is really tired of being pregnant. REALLY tired. Because I’m not sleeping so well, mainly because YOU aren’t sleeping well my little night owl. My feet look like Fred Flintstone’s and my back and tushie are screaming for a daily massage. While Daddy is so good at rubbing all my aches and pains – it would be a lot easier if I wasn’t carrying you around! I also miss sleeping in the same bed as your Daddy.  I am so ready to see your little face, perhaps my eyes with Daddy’s nose (he would be so sad for you if that’s the case) or my nose with Daddy’s lips! Will you sleep through the night like your cousin Mollie? Or be a night owl like you are now? A few more weeks and we’ll know for sure. It’s time to come out!

Oh Wait a Minute:

Well crap. When you arrive, which we are so looking forward too, I think I will be sad to not be pregnant anymore. No more knowing smiles from strangers or people asking me when I’m due and gushing over how ‘small’ I look for 4 weeks left. No more eating what I want, when I want (you are the perfect excuse!) and no more getting Daddy to rub my feet or pick up what I dropped.  But mostly, I think  I am going to miss our late night jam session. Me, wide awake, poking at you through my belly and you poking back. Or when I am sitting at my desk deep in thought and I get a quick jab reminding me that you are still there and I should probably shift. People look at non-pregnant people funny when they rub their belly – I should probably break that habit when you arrive. It’s been nice knowing you are always with me, safe and sound.

See what I mean? I want this kid out and in my arms, but I kinda like him in my belly and out of trouble.

What Happens in the Dark

Anyone who has been pregnant knows that sleep becomes a strange thing. You’ve taken it for granted for so long. I use to stay up until 2AM in college, then nap in the afternoons and how I neglected to appreciate that during the time. Since getting married, and before getting pregnant, I would get in bed around 8PM to watch TV with S, and by 10 I was passed out. Now? Who the heck knows what each tonight could bring. Sometimes I will be asleep by 8PM, then up every hour to pee. Other times (mostly when I indulge in a Unisom), I am asleep by 10PM, up once to pee, and sleep like the dead until 8AM.

More often than not, I am ‘napping’ by 10PM, then up every few hours, wide awake and pondering a very odd assortment of  things. Have you seen the movie ‘How Does She Do It‘ with Sarah Jessica Parker? In the beginning, she is up all night running through her to do list. I kinda do the same thing, but it’s not really a to do list, it’s more pondering, worrying and wondering things about our future with a baby. Or stupid stuff. Here’s a quick peek at what I think about when pregnancy induced insomnia kicks in:

  • I wonder what that sex dream with Jason Segel means, and I wonder if he’s Jewish. I need to remember to look him up on IMDB tomorrow.
  • Where is Charlie Beagle and if I get up to pee will it wake him up and make him fuss to go out?
  • Will Charlie like Mikey, and if not, how will we work that out?
  • Mikey will eventually go to college and leave me. Or go to prison and leave me. Does it matter which?
  • I wonder if I had a vocal coach, would my voice be good enough to get me onThe Voice? And if I got on The Voice, which coach would I pick?
  • If I never have another baby, I will never be a Mother of the Bride. Mother of the Groom’s get the short end of the stick.
  • What if Mikey picks a crazy woman as his wife and I don’t like her?
  • Is it Thursday yet? I wonder what time the new People Magazine posts for download. So help me if Snookie is on the cover …
  • I could totally use that Clapper/Salad Spinner/full body girdle/infomercial thing currently on TV. In fact, I’m not sure how I lived without that for so long.
  • Why am I awake, and why does it feel like I am going to give birth Alien styleany minute?
  • I wonder if I am going to have a beautiful baby boy who becomes a holy terror and eventual serial killer. Would I go to court? Would I be one of those mamas on TV who swear he didn’t do it, when it was obvious he did?
There is a quick run down of what I remember thinking about the past few nights while waiting to fall back asleep. What did you think about?

Infertility and Pregnancy Guilt

When we were trying to get pregnant, I imagined being one of those women who never, NEVER, complained about being pregnant. I mean, why would I? We paid a lot of money for me to be pregnant! But guess what. I am Princess Pouty these days, and I feel so guilty about it.

It doesn’t help a lot of my Facebook friends are welcoming their babies (like 3 last night) and I am eager to meet Mikey.  We had a doctor’s appointment last week and my thoughts (and fears) were confirmed – he’s a big one! He’s already 5lbs, when he should be 3.5lb or 4lbs. So I am carrying a lot of baby and my hips and lower back are rebelling. It’s getting harder for me to get up and down, and walking the steps to our apartment leaves me pretty winded.

Also – it’s the worst allergy season since 2010. Which wouldn’t be a problem if I could take my beloved Mucinex DM, but alas, I can’t. I get the piddly pills that hardly work. So I am coughing (and tinkling myself) and sniffling for the past week or so with no end in sight.

I feel like I should be delighting in all aspects of this pregnancy, but I am just not feeling it today. But maybe tomorrow I will feel better. Maybe.

The Bolt Bus Hates Pregnant Women

Well, I am not going to slander the whole Bolt bus line, but if you are 30 weeks pregnant, taking a bus 5 hours is not a good option.  Do you have a Bolt Bus line in your neck of the woods? It’s a great idea. A super cheap bus line that goes from DC to NYC (and a few other stops, like Boston and the Pacific Northwest) for super cheap. Remember how cool it was to be on a coach bus watching movies on your way to the museum on a field trip? Yeah, same idea, but no movie and less cool.

I had to make a last minute trip to NYC for my part time job and you couldn’t beat the $50 round trip ticket. And it’s a bus. How bad can it be?  If I was a college student looking to soak up the NYC night life, the answer is not so bad. If I was 7 months pregnant, the answer is terrible.  First of all, it’s a 5 hour trip sitting. Here’s the run down:

Bus: Meh. It’s a coach bus. They had TVs, but no movies, which I found sad. Really? If you have them, you should use them. Would it kill you to put on Finding Nemo or Seinfield season 1?

Bathroom: Very, VERY important if you are pregnant. I sat near the back to make sure I could get there quickly. But with the way it was situated, the door opened BARELY for me to squeeze in. I’m not a huge pregnant woman either! Plus, with the rocking of the bus, I had to lean against the back wall to hike up my pants. It was a glorified porta-potty, but smelled less … porta potty. Even the toilet paper was thread bare and hanging by a string. Literally. A string.

People: It takes all kinds right? There were all kinds on the Bolt bus. I sat next to a woman from Alaska who was riding standby with her husband for a last minute trip to see some shows for her 60th birthday. She was so kind, and made sure I was comfortable (more on that later).  The couple behind me … well. They were DC hipsters going to some swanky spa in NYC and he is a photographer who photographed Joan Rivers house. Which begs the question … why were they on the Bolt bus? People seemed very pre-occupied with their laptops and ipads, so it was a quiet ride.

Wi-fi: Bolt bus loves to brag on it’s free wi-fi, which was nice. Slow, but nice. The challenge was, the seats didn’t have tray tables, so you had to hold you device in your lap. Again, great – unless you lap is taken over by a pregnant belly.

I would say by hour 4, I was getting restless. Our 10 minute break at the Delaware House wasn’t nearly enough to take care of my restless legs and swollen ankles. I will, of course, use the Bolt bus again when I am sans a pregnant belly.

On an unrelated note, I realized last minute I booked my departure ticket the same day as my return and after 48+ hours in NYC living with my boss, I was close to an epic meltdown. No reason to try to book another ticket – they were sold out for a couple hours, and my ankles didn’t allow any sort of standby.  I sucked it up and Amtraked it home. Tray tables, leg room, huge bathrooms … a pregnant woman’s dream.