Week 4: Poppyseed

How far along?  4 weeks, the joys of fertility treatment is you can pinpoint when exactly when conception was. Some women don’t even realize they are pregnant at this point?

Size of baby: poppyseed
Total weight gain/measurements: unsure right now

Maternity clothes: Plus size maternity clothes are almost impossible to find. I found out I was pregnant on Friday, and was already planning to spend the weekend shopping at the outlets with my sister in law (and my future niece/nephew!) and my mom. Since we were headed to a maternity outlet, I stocked up on a few basic items on sale. I am not in any of them yet, but I am so bloated it’s tempting. Thankfully working from home allows me to wear yoga pants.
Sleep: This mama is tired. All the time. I am sleeping pretty well, but getting up to pee a few times a night.
Best moment this week: Finding out for sure we are pregnant!
Miss anything? Such a strange question – I do miss lunch meat, but it is worth it in the end.
Movement: Still got a ways to go.
Food cravings: More food aversions then anything right now. I do crave MEAT. Lots of protein.
Anything making you queasy or sick? Cooked green peppers, even just the smell makes me want to vomit.
Symptoms: fatigue, mild cramps, constipation, zitty chest, a little moody (probably a lot moody if you ask anyone else)

Still Pregnant!

Thanks for all the kind words via the comments and Facebook yesterday! Though we aren’t ‘public’ yet (just family and close friends), it didn’t feel right to leave out anyone who reads my blog on a regular basis. I did tell my boss yesterday, a CEO mama of a small IT firm and she is so excited for me. I am so blessed to have such a supportive working environment – she made it very clear that the job is flexible enough for naps and appointments, and she encouraged me to take advantage of that. I only told one of my project managers since my flakiness will effect her the most. Again, met with nothing but excitement. Now … it looks like the world will know at the beginning of December when I get the all clear.

I am going to keep the blog title the same, because another infertile blogger over at the Inconceivable Housewife said it right, “I still feel like an ‘infertile woman’. I still am an infertile woman! While that may not make sense now that I’m pregnant, it still feels true. I still suffered through those years of infertility. I still understand the pain. I still fear miscarriage. I still know that this may be our only pregnancy we’ll be blessed with. We can’t ‘just have another child’. As a pregnant woman, infertility still stings. It doesn’t go away.”

Sure, our journey wasn’t as long as some, or even most. But it was still a process, and if we decide to go for number 2, it will still be a process.  I also like how the previous blogger did a weekly QA with symptoms, etc. I think that will a nice reminder about how far we’ve come and how I can make my child feel guilty in the coming years. “OH YOUR LIFE IS TOUGH? I COULDN’T POOP FOR 6 MONTHS! THAT’S TOUGH!”

I hope if you are a regular reader, you will stick with me on my journey to becoming a Mama.

PS – Went to a Wine, Cheese and Chocolate mixer last night for work. Pregnant women shouldn’t attend these events. Oh but wait! They had sushi! Oh, yeah. Nevermind. On the upside, the chocolate was ah-mazing. This mama wanted to dive into the chocolate fountain.

Baby, baby, baby.

Today’s the day! Sam and I went to Shady Grove for my blood work, and headed home. He has the day off and I am lucky enough to telework, so we are just waiting for the results.

Why are we so calm? I took a home pregnancy test on Friday … make that 4. So we already know WE’RE PREGNANT!

I am still so in shock that the fertility treatments work – the first time around! I guess it’s time to talk about changing the title of my blog, eh? Sam is having a hard time believing it until the doctor calls to confirm. Looks like a June baby is on the horizon.

More later my friends 🙂

Lies We Tell

I lied to S the other night. Well, sorta lied. He found a pregnancy test in the trash and asked if I had been taking pregnancy tests. In truth, I was just cleaning out our baby makin’ stuff, but I also said I hadn’t been testing.

What a bold faced lie. I can’t help myself. I am having early pregnancy symptoms like cramping, increased smells, sexy dreams (HELLO!) … I know in my heart it’s too early to tell, but maybe, just maybe the test will read early. I don’t think I am pregnant, but I think that’s me preparing myself for a let down when we beta on Monday.

It’s just so hard to wait. Don’t judge me for testing before anything would show up anyway. I can’t be the only one who tests after knowing the answer, right?

Sweet, Sweet Panda Baby

While the rest of world might not care, the DC metro area is buzzing with excitement. The Nationals on the way to the play offs? Nooo … The presidential election? Nooo … RG3 is killing it as a rookie Redskin? Nooo … What on earth has been headline news in the nation’s capital?

Mei Xiang had a baby! Mei is a panda at the National Zoo,  who had her last baby in 2007 and this little bundle of joy was a surprise! Zoo officials say they were hopeful she was pregnant (apparently panda pregnancies are hard to detect) because she wasn’t getting pregnant after many attempts and had 5 pseudo-pregnancies in the past few years.  She had LESS THAN a 10% chance of getting pregnant again.

Panda Cam Shot

You know where I am going with this. I find so much hope in this panda mama and her pink stick of butter (which is what a panda baby looks like).  I love turning the news on in the morning and hearing how the zoo keepers (that isn’t their title is it, it sounds so Curious George) are keeping their distance and letting Mama do her thing. Apparently this unnamed baby is a loud one!

Things I Look Forward to When I am Pregnant

While I am wondering if I am in fact pregnant (I will never say preggo. Knocked up yes, preggo no),  I am thinking about all the things I will love about being pregnant. Here’s a few so far:

  1. Maternity Clothes – As a ‘larger woman’, I always go shopping in the plus size section of stores, which is next to the maternity department. Why they do this is infuriating to me, but it does give me a chance to see the fun styles. Mostly it’s an accident because I think it’s plus size and not maternity and I am always let down. Not anymore!
  2. Being Special – While I don’t want strangers touching my belly, I will enjoy being the center of attention, I am not going to lie.
  3. Not being alone – Think about it. For 9 months, I am never alone. It will be even real when the baby starts moving. I bet it’s cool.
  4. Redecorating! – I love organizing and decorating, so putting together a nursery will be a fun event.

So just a few things I am looking forward to. If not this cycle, there’s always next time.

It’s been a week. Too soon to take a pregnancy test? Damn.

The Art of Waiting

It’s official, we are in the two week wait (don’t cringe, I won’t start using stupid acronyms like TWW)!  I triggered on Friday and we *ahem* did as the doctor instructed. Now … we wait.

As usual, I took to Google to find out what I should be eating, what to do, what not to do … but alas, I came across stupid lists about how to keep myself busy. Some suggestions made sense like blog, watch a movie, read a book … and some were just plain stupid. Here’s a taste:

  1. Wear loose clothing (um, so the baby, who is the size of a pinhead doesn’t suffocate? I can imagine walking into a meeting, ‘sorry, had to ditch the suit for the sweats. I am trying to make a baby.’)
  2. Write your husband a love letter everyday (I’m the one trying to grow a baby, write ME a damn love letter)
  3. Create a fertility dance (I don’t even know …)
  4. Ask your husband to do the vacuuming, dishwasher, laundry, and garbage disposal (Laughable. Because I usually do ALL those things. Just kidding. He does them all already)
  5. Cut Coupons (that should kill an hour)

Here’s what I’m doing during my two week wait:

  1. Working (gotta make the money honey)
  2. Taking Charlie to the dog park
  3. Going apple picking and to dinner with Sam for his birthday
  4. Spending a day shopping with Mom in Annapolis
  5. Going to the Renaissance Festival with friends
  6. Having lunch with old coworkers
  7. Having lunch downtown with Sam for our 2nd anniversary

But really, it’s a lot of taking medicine (Promethium twice daily and Metformim daily), going through my daily routines and encouraging my body to do what it needs to do.  It’s out of my hands now!

Pull the Trigger!

I had, yet another, ultrasound today and extensive bloodwork – it took them 45 minutes to find a vein! I think my veins have finally had enough. And frankly I can’t blame them.

But … the good news is it looks like tomorrow I will get the green light to trigger!  The trigger shot is basically a dose of HCG (the pregnancy hormone). So when we get the shot, it’s telling my eggs to put on their fanciest panties and red lipstick because the boys are coming to town. This is all really, really good news. Of course, it screws up our weekend in Maryland. But we can downgrade our family weekend to a day.

Also something that makes my head spin that on October 1st, at 7:15AM we are going to to find out if we are pregnant. Just like that. I always pictured it a little differently. You know, wondering, getting the pregnancy pee test, being surprised and surprising my husband. The old fashioned way. Same end result, different path.

How the hell will I keep myself busy for 15 days wondering if I have a person growing inside of me? I should take up knitting.

Over It

Phew. It’s been a rough few days for so many reasons. I am hoping I am crying all the time because I am going to start ovulate any damn minute. I had another ultrasound today and the good news (!!!!) is they are seeing progress and hopefully I will ready to trigger on Thursday. Also, more good news, if I have to do another cycle, they will just start my Gonal shots at the dose that worked and I won’t have to build up again.

I am dealing with R. being public with her pregnancy and it stings a little more than I anticipated. However, with all the other infertility blogs I read (PS – mine is WAY more interesting), my family is SO understanding. But, of course, I don’t want to take one thing away from R’s pregnancy and she knows that. Some days are easier than others, and one day it will be use with hundreds of Facebook well wishes.

It’s funny, I am praying for a trigger shot the way most couples pray for a positive pregnancy test. A whole lotta God/Buddha/Allah/Goddess up in this place!

Ultrasounds, Bloodwork and Angry Birds

So I’ve been kinda quiet lately, not for any exciting reason, just going about our day to day life adding in doctor appointments and shots. The shots are getting much MUCH better and S. is a trooper. Last night I really had enough. I am so tired of being a human pincushion. I know the medicine is working – it’s just such a long, time consuming process to determine which Gonal dosage is going to do the trick. They can’t start at the top, because then too many follicle will grow and the chance of being an Octo-Mom increases.

Saturday will be my 7th ultrasound, 7th blood draw and tonight will be my 12th Gonal shot. My poor abdomen is all puffy and bloated (but fancied up with Angry Birds bandaids). I know it’s worth it in the end, but I am just tired of it all.

But even though I’m cranky and whining today, it is not lost on me about how lucky I am to have the job I do.  I work in IT (but not on the technical side) from the comfort of my home with flextime. I was thinking – 7 doctor’s appointments since 27 August and my coworkers are none the wiser. I am able to get my appointment done before most of them start their day. But I can’t imagine the sacrifice teachers, nurses, shift workers and moms have to make to do this. How do they fit it into an already busy schedule, find coverage and tell their supervisors? I am thankful for the ability to keep my infertility treatments close to the vest.

Sitting in Shady Grove, I see all kinds of people – old, young, skinny, overweight, some with partners, some solo without wedding rings. We are all dealing with the same(ish) situation. It helps to know S. and I are not the only ones emptying our purses for a dream.

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