We all knew it would happen, it was just a matter of when. While I am trying to have my OWN bundle of joy, I am invited to celebrate someone else’s success (that’s how I am viewing pregnancy these days – success or failure). I got the evite yesterday for a friend from church’s baby shower. The rub is I also work with her husband, so a few extra connections there. I immediately sent my regrets and asked where to send the gift.
How do I feel? Selfish. I feel like I shouldn’t let my stress and frustration take away from other people’s joy. Granted, I am not very close to this mom-to-be, so that made my decision easier since I doubt anyone would wonder where I am. I feel like, by not attending, I am making it all about me, and my situation. Blowing things out of proportion if you will.
If it was my best friend or family member’s shower, of COURSE I would put my big girl panties on and celebrate. But this time I am going to be selfish and bow out. I was in a workshop today with a woman who almost gave birth right there. I couldn’t help but visualize her as me and get a little pouty. Pregnant women. They’re EVERYWHERE!!
I wonder how many of these I will be invited to before I have one hosted for me.
S. and I are socking money away for fertility treatments, but that doesn’t mean we can’t scrape some change together for a date night – from the Entertainment Guide. What was on tap for date night? Dinner and a movie – What to Expect When You’re Expecting.
It’s a bit like New Year’s Eve and Valentine’s Day with an all star cast who are intertwined, which I always think is cool. It followed a few women who were having babies in various ways. J-Lo adopting, Cameron Diaz as a pregnant fitness guru, Elizabeth Banks (total show stealer) got pregnant after 2 years of trying, and Anna Kendrick was an unwed, young mama to be. Despite the humor, like Elizabeth Banks ‘Mother in Law’, who is younger than her, having the easiest pregnancy ever, it was amazingly heart warming. I doubt it will be up for an Oscar, but worth the discounted movie ticket. S. even liked it!
(updated 6/5) – a few infertility blogs are giving WTE some negative reviews for things like: not having a gay couple, not having a surrogate situation, dumb dads and the younger mother in law story line. Yes, these are valid points, but it’s a movie, not a documentary.
How are we doing? Still patiently waiting to ovulate. Still. I am in a major funk today, so I am laying low, wearing cozy clothes and reading while trying not to feel bad for ignoring this amazing weather we are having. Some days you do what you gotta do.
You know you are trying to conceive when:
- You pay $2 more for gummy prenatal vitamins because the regular pills are huge and smell like fish.
- Spilling urine on the bathroom floor is a monthly occurrence.
- You buy pregnancy tests in bulk. With coupons.
- You buy an iPad app to track your cycles. And marking ‘love making’ days is the first thing you do afterwards.
- You consider buying maternity clothes on sale.
- You start writing a blog.
- You stop reading infertility blogs because they are all whiny.
- When you are ovulating and 3 days straight of sex is far from sexy.
- You consider herbs, stones and voodoo
Here’s the the crazies!
Well, not much going on with the baby tracking, just waiting to ovulate.
I admit it, I love me some People Magazine, Us Weekly and Celebitchy. You know, celebrities are just like us! They grocery shop (with unlimited budgets), they pick up dog poop (with scented bags no doubt) and get pregnant …. or DO they?
With the new What to Expect movie coming out (S. and I are going to see it next weekend), there is a lot of buzz about motherhood and the different routes to get there. I love hearing celebrities come forward and share their stories about how they grew their family. I am not one to point fingers and be all judgey (well, I am all judgey, but I never point fingers), but some celebrities might not be telling the truth and I find that annoying. One such famous lady had twins. At 40. After ‘years of trying’ and only after she heard the (groundbreaking) advice to ‘relax’. Now, yeah, it could have happened that way, but I find it so hard to believe. Anywayyyyyy …..
Here are some of my favorite celebs who grew their family by taking the long road:
- Brooke Shields
- Sarah Jessica Parker
- Dixie Chick’s Martie Maguire and Emily Robison
- Hugh Jackman
- Courtney Cox (who broke my heart when she said, ‘I don’t have a hard time getting pregnant, I have a hard time keeping them’)
- Mariah Carey
- Jane Seymour
- Sherri Shepard
So celebs … they are just like me.
I’m not really in the mood to chat about anything specific lately on my blog, I am on my third and final round of Clomid and giving myself permission to pout and feel sorry for myself. Tomorrow is another day.
In the meantime, I found myself on Amazon searching fertility. Since Amazon is full of random products, I am not surprised they have some interesting items for sale under ‘fertility’. Where shall I start?
1. Fertility Pills Cheng Zi (Yeng) Wan – I’ve been to China a few times and while I agree they have some good products, please, please, please, do not order fertility pills from overseas. Especially when the dosage is 10 pills 3 – 4 times a day. 10 pills. 3 – 4 times a day. 40 pills a day.
2. Earth Solutions Aromatherapy Scent Inhaler – I could get behind this. I love aromotherapy. I wonder if I pair it the ‘Abundance’ scent I will have multiples?
3. Spell Mix: Fertility: If only it had at least one review. And since S. works for the DEA, I might need to pass on the magical herbs.
4. Fertility Wishes Greeting Card: Yes. By all means. Send me a card with chicken’s eggs on the front. That will really help me feel better about ‘my situation’. You should totally write ‘you should take a vacation’ inside.
5. Axe Jade Fertility Medicine Dagger Phurba: I would have passed this gem over, but I noticed the pricetag. $78,299.99. I am not even sure what it is. But I would probably swallow 40 pills a day before shelling out our savings (I WISH we had this in savings ….) for a rock.
Just when I thought TLC cornered the market on crazy, I turned on Bravo this morning and was introduced to Pregnant in Heels. I’ve witnessed salon takeovers, culinary disasters and over plumped housewives, but this was a whole new ballgame.
Basically (if you want to pretend you are too good for Bravo and haven’t seen PIH), the show features Rosie Pope who is a professional maternity baby expert (and no, I am not sure how she got this title) as she helps NYC’s elite Mommies through pregnancy. She is adorable and friendly, seemingly down to earth. I think this is would be an awesome job, and hey, if you can afford a baby concierge, why the heck not.
The episode this morning featured 2 women – one was anxious about being a mom because her’s died when she was young and didn’t really have a mommy figure. Super sweet story line, I am sure many women could relate. UNTIL (always an ‘until’ in true Bravo fashion) she wanted to surprise her huband by taking a nude picture on her much adored horse with her baby. Not just any picture mind you, an oil painting. That would be ‘revealed’ to her husband. In a gallery. In front of their friends. Welcome to Crazytown folks. The fact that this was crazy was confirmed by the look her on her friend’s faces when they caught of a glimpse of her oil paint boobs.
The 2nd Mommy-to-be was in complete denial because she hates all things medical. Breastfeeding didn’t seem natural, she is terrified of needles, and doulas seems stupid. Which is why, when Rosie brought a doula in for a visit to help her learn to breathing techniques during shots, Mommy said it didn’t seem natural. She has a point. Breathing is not natrual. Not at all.
Look. I get terrified, sweaty and heart pumping freaked out around horses. But if they are the only way to get to my future baby, I will suck it up and immediately turn into John Effing Wayne. This woman was just bananas. Ultimately in the end she was ‘fine’ during labor and breastfed for the first few months.
I am pretty sure I am going to watch this show on the regular. I like Rosie and how she interacts with her clients who are bat crap crazy.
As you may know, I am on my second round of Provera (which means I am trying to force my body to have a period). I remember a few small side effects, but NOTHING like what I have experienced this time. Aside from a ‘worse-than-drunk’ dizzy spell a few nights ago, crying seems to be the big side effect. Not just a lump in your throat, or tearing up … no, no. This is full on, someone shot my dog in front me crying. Here are some things that have made me cry like a crazy woman:
- Finding out Coach Beast’s husband was beating her up on Glee
- The video to Florance + Machine’s Shake it Out
- The fact I have no friends from college (I am watching Felicity)
- Accidentally getting regular Coke instead of Diet Coke
- Losing about a hours worth of work because I didn’t save properly
- The dead cat in the middle of Lee Highway
Thankfully, all this will end on Thursday when I take my last pill. Until then, don’t sneeze in my direction or I will be hysterical.
In an effort to make me less crazy, Sam brought up having our baby sponsored. So a company, like Exxon or Target, would help us pay for our fertility treatments, then we give them the name (you know, like Target Smith or Time Magazine Jones) and brand the baby clothes.
Good idea! We are drawing the line at ED medicine and feminine hygiene products.
Oye. I finally looked into our infertility benefits with S’s insurance and found out they cover …. nothing. The consultation. That’s it. And since we live in the great state of Virginia, there are no laws that make infertility coverage mandatory. Next call this morning was to Shady Grove Fertility Center where we will go if this round of Clomid is unsuccessful. Bad, bad move. But in a good way. Here’s the breakdown:
Consultation: covered, but if not, $300 – $350
Prescreen: not covered, $1500 – $1800
IUI: not covered, $1200 – $2200
At this point I was holding back tears and my new BFF at SGFC had to talk me off the ledge. She was so amazingly kind and understanding. And she did Clomid too and understood I am a weird weird person right now. She also told me about their financing (hey, let’s rent to own a baby!) and a few payment plans.
I am feeling so hopeless right now – money is super tight as it is, we don’t have $5000 sitting around. I know, it will be okay, something will work. I just don’t know how to stay calm and stress free right now – which is apparently super important to getting knocked up.
Anyone have connections with MTV? I would love to get one of those adorable babies those teenagers are popping out in meth houses.
Tomorrow will be better.