“Nature has got it all wrong: When you are younger, it should be harder to get pregnant, and as you get older it should be easier. When you are so ready, you can’t do it to save your life. And when you are 21, you are so not ready, but you are ripe as could be. The eggs should become more developed the older you get, not die slowly from the day you’re born. That’s one thing God got wrong.”
Parental Units, now is the time to turn away, it’s gunna get all TMI up in here.
Here’s the low down. I’ve had sex with a few people (I’m somewhere between a prude and a whore), and always used protection. Even until my husband became my future husband, we were using condoms. Oddly enough, it never occured to me not to. I didn’t want a baby and didn’t trust The Pill (which I was on mainly to handl my PCOS).
The fun part of marriage is not using condoms. No more late night runs to CVS with teenagers smirking behind the counter. No more stopping and ripping the wrapper open and no more barrier feeling. Side note: Kids, wear condoms – trust me. No it doesn’t feel as good, but neither does having a kid. But seriously, married people don’t wear condoms. Or so I thought.
Since we’ve embarked on this journey to parenthood, we are using condoms, which seems completely counterproductive. Let me explain …
I can’t take my ‘baby meds’ if I am pregnant, and you won’t get a positive pregnancy test until about 2 weeks after conception. So if I were to have unprotected sex tonight … we might be pregnant. But we would have to wait 2 weeks to make sure it’s safe to start the meds. Make sense? It’s like playing Super Mario Brothers and getting to the 2nd to last level, dying and having to start back at square one.
So as I am buying fertility kits, pregnancy tests and Clomid, I am picking up condoms. I can only imagine what the CVS clerk is thinking. And after reading the doctor’s instructions (again), it looks like each Clomid cycle we can have sex unprotected for 3 days. 3 days.
In the meantime, we are going to pretend we are high schoolers and our parents are out of town.
When I was planning our wedding, I had a visceral reaction to all things ‘wedding industry’ – including websites that rhyme with The Snot and ShmeddingMannel. I couldn’t buy into the fairy tale, already done wedding. And just like with getting pregnant, the resources for people like me were far and few between.
One site I visited religiously was Offbeat Bride. It was amazingly well written and featured all things non-traditional that people had done before. I loved the whole ‘own-your-wedding-make-it-what-you-want’ attitude. Thankfully for me, April, the founder of the blog found out she was pregnant while I was honeymooning and Offbeat Mama was born! And what was the first post I stumbled on? The No Acronyms Rule. Thank you, thank you! Of course, it is a lot of post-pregnancy stuff, but also a lot of Q&A about what mamas with they did differently and experiences I can use. I look forward to being an Offbeat Mama.
In baby makin’ news, it’s my 3rd night of Prometrium (which is supposed to make Aunt Flow … I mean my period … start). So far, just mood swing (sh*t, what if this is just me off birth control) and really painful boobs. Like I can’t lay on my stomach painful.