I would have blogged sooner, but OH MY GOD I AM TIRED. Not just ‘I need to sleep another hour’, but ‘if I don’t put my head down rightthisminute I am going to die’. Or ‘Wow, I just slept the deepest sleep of my life for 10 hours and the idea of taking a shower exhausts me’. When I said last week I was tired, I had no idea. NO IDEA.

I honestly and truly admire women who have to go to an office and work during their first trimester. I am not sure how they do it, but they need an award. My job is set up in a way that I need to work 40 hours a week, for the most part, whenever. My 3PM ‘naps’, which is usually just me laying down, not thinking, are my saving graces. I am also super blessed with a husband who won’t let me do a damn thing. He just watched me spend $300 at Target on groceries and carried them all in the house.

I feel like so much has been going on, when really nothing has. I told my coworkers I was knocked up and they were, as expected, happy – joys of working with a ton of women who ‘get it’. While we aren’t sharing it publicly yet, it feels good for coworkers to know what’s going on. I can’t wait until I can shout it from the mountain top.

Tomorrow I am half way through my first trimester and reminding my baby appleseed daily that we have a nice warm home if she can just stick around. I spend a lot of time worried about miscarrying, since so many women in my life have had this experience. If I am cramping I worry, if I am not cramping, I worry. I can tell you one thing – taking to Google was the worst mistake. Logically, if someone is asking about miscarriage, only people who miscarried will be responding right? Well, not to a pregnant woman. I read this as EVERYONE miscarries and I am stupid to have told anyone I was pregnant or buy maternity pants. I scour the internet for statistics, but in my head, I know statistics won’t matter and it isn’t really in my control.

One of the people on a message board said it perfectly, ‘You wouldn’t take your umbrella for 20%you chance of rain so don’t plan to expect the worst.’ – I tend to be very positive, so this made perfect sense to me.

I am imagining what this ‘journey to baby’ blog is going to become. Hopefully not a spot for me to complain about the negative spots of being pregnant, but the ups and downs, fears and joys and then a place to brag on my child. I doubt it will be filled with healthy recipes or crafts or even shabby chic decor (I am tired thinking about making anything shabby into chic).

I’ve been up for 30 minutes. I think it’s time for a nap!

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