parenting – Muddling Momma

A family friend is having a baby soon and her mom is compiling a book with advice from other moms. Well, I have more advice than I know what to do with. WAY more than a note card will hold. Does that make me an expert? Oh hell no. Just another Momma trying to figure it out.

{Find your tribe} Don’t over think this one. It doesn’t need to be women in real life who subscribe to your parenting beliefs 100%. Find a blogger who you like, explore a local FB group or even an older mom from your place of worship. I have a few tribes: one of Facebook with a group of friends in real life and strangers I joined when I was pregnant, one on Facebook with local moms and then from that group a smaller group of moms who meet monthly and chat weekly. I also read a few blogs and half read some parenting books. These ‘relationships’ take time to find, but they are so worth it. To have a second opinion, to learn about their past experiences as a mom, to have an ADULT conversation – those are invaluable.

{No one has the answers} You will most likely find your tribe by asking questions about their experience. What a cry means, how to wean, when to sleep train … but that’s they have – EXPERIENCE. They don’t have the answers. Which leads me to the next tip.

{While you are learning to be a parent, your baby is learning how to be baby} Each baby is different and no one knows that baby like you do. And while you are trying to figure out how to be a mom, that baby is learning how to be a baby. Sometimes they will cry just because they are crying. Not because they need a bottle or a diaper change. Trust your gut and understand no one has the answers. Not you, not your partner, not your tribe and certainly not your baby!

{Buy a nightgown for the baby} This is a very small thing that makes a huge difference. Before you go to the hospital, buy (and pack) as many of these nightgowns as you can. They save time and energy, especially in the middle of the night when they wake up every 4 minutes with a wet diaper. And while you are at it –

{Buy a swaddles} I was not the master swaddler in the family, so these pre-swaddled swaddles (is that at thing?) saved me. Pack those too!

{Baby blues is real} My parting advice might be the most important. The ‘baby blues’ are real. You just carried a baby in your belly for 9 months and then delivered a tiny human only to be sent home at 2 days (if you are lucky) to raise said human being into a functioning member of society. You are super woman! But that doesn’t mean you have to be super woman all the time. If you are feeling out of sorts or sad, talk to your doctor. I did and my little antidepressant makes me (yes, 4 years later) and better mom.

What advice do you have for parents-to-be?

When it came time to pick a non-fiction book for the Baltimore County Public Library Challenge I had quite a list to pick from. But since Mike has hit the ‘trying twos’ and he is in a French daycare, French Twist: An American Mom’s Experiment in Parisian Parenting by Catherine Crawford seemed like the logical choice. I was not disappointed!

51g0KdHlQuL

Crawford is a Mom in Brooklyn with two kids who were about 4 and 6 when she took an interest in how the French parented. After seeing her French friend parent and observed how polite and well behaved her children were – it was time for Crawford to make some changes to her own family dynamics. She set out to raise her children ‘the French way’ and through the book she shared her observations, discussions with French parents and how her kids reacted to suddenly becoming French. Her writing style is so laid back and honest it was an easy read.

I knew the French, and every other culture, parented differently, so I was curious about what my daycare provider, R., might be practicing with her motley crew. Here are some of the highlights from French Twist:

When the French need a solution to a particular problem, they tend to consult one source, not fifteen different friends or chat-room chums. This has the effect of cutting down on anxiety—and does wonders for just about every aspect of parenting

Hello. You are reading my blog. How did you get here? Probably finding out what I did for infertility, sleep training or how to make homemade baby food. I am guessing I wasn’t your first OR last stop. We are all guilty of that – stop. I would tell you how, but I am still trying to figure out how to do that myself.

Oona and Daphne had to figure out a way to adapt to the adult world, and not the other way around. This is an integral concept in French parenting.

Ah – I loved this overarching idea. But again – so hard! Crawford’s kids were a little older than Mike when she made this lifestyle change. I wish she spoke more to how the transition was, how long it took before it ‘stuck’ and if there were any kid sized meltdowns. We are working on this concept.

In France, everyone in the family has a job. The parent’s role is to be the chief, and the children have the job of obeying their leader. French children are raised with this in mind, so there is much less debate and resistance.

I AM THE CHIEF. I AM THE CHIEF. I AM THE CHIEF.

“Don’t give everything to the baby. Especially remember that your breasts are for your husband.” I love this quote, a little bit of wisdom imparted to a French friend by her doctor after the birth of her first child. I love this quote for what it suggests—and for how hilarious it must seem to nearly every American mom.

One thing that really got me thinking was the topic of breastfeeding. In America, if you don’t breastfeed for as long as possible you are made to feel like a failure. In France, if you breastfeed past 3ish months, you get the same reaction from people. It seems the US is the only country that puts a large emphasis on breastfeeding. We all know how that went for me and I have always been okay with it.

If you are a soon to be parent, new parent or old parent – put down What to Expect and pick up this gem. You will learn A LOT and be entertained.

Tag: parenting

New Parent Advice

French Twist: BCPL Challenge