It’s official, we are in the two week wait (don’t cringe, I won’t start using stupid acronyms like TWW)!  I triggered on Friday and we *ahem* did as the doctor instructed. Now … we wait.

As usual, I took to Google to find out what I should be eating, what to do, what not to do … but alas, I came across stupid lists about how to keep myself busy. Some suggestions made sense like blog, watch a movie, read a book … and some were just plain stupid. Here’s a taste:

1. Wear loose clothing (um, so the baby, who is the size of a pinhead doesn’t suffocate? I can imagine walking into a meeting, ‘sorry, had to ditch the suit for the sweats. I am trying to make a baby.’)
2. Write your husband a love letter everyday (I’m the one trying to grow a baby, write ME a damn love letter)
3. Create a fertility dance (I don’t even know …)
4. Ask your husband to do the vacuuming, dishwasher, laundry, and garbage disposal (Laughable. Because I usually do ALL those things. Just kidding. He does them all already)
5. Cut Coupons (that should kill an hour)

Here’s what I’m doing during my two week wait:

1. Working (gotta make the money honey)
2. Taking Charlie to the dog park
3. Going apple picking and to dinner with Sam for his birthday
4. Spending a day shopping with Mom in Annapolis
5. Going to the Renaissance Festival with friends
6. Having lunch with old coworkers
7. Having lunch downtown with Sam for our 2nd anniversary

But really, it’s a lot of taking medicine (Promethium twice daily and Metformim daily), going through my daily routines and encouraging my body to do what it needs to do.  It’s out of my hands now!

I had, yet another, ultrasound today and extensive bloodwork – it took them 45 minutes to find a vein! I think my veins have finally had enough. And frankly I can’t blame them.

But … the good news is it looks like tomorrow I will get the green light to trigger!  The trigger shot is basically a dose of HCG (the pregnancy hormone). So when we get the shot, it’s telling my eggs to put on their fanciest panties and red lipstick because the boys are coming to town. This is all really, really good news. Of course, it screws up our weekend in Maryland. But we can downgrade our family weekend to a day.

Also something that makes my head spin that on October 1st, at 7:15AM we are going to to find out if we are pregnant. Just like that. I always pictured it a little differently. You know, wondering, getting the pregnancy pee test, being surprised and surprising my husband. The old fashioned way. Same end result, different path.

How the hell will I keep myself busy for 15 days wondering if I have a person growing inside of me? I should take up knitting.

Phew. It’s been a rough few days for so many reasons. I am hoping I am crying all the time because I am going to start ovulate any damn minute. I had another ultrasound today and the good news (!!!!) is they are seeing progress and hopefully I will ready to trigger on Thursday. Also, more good news, if I have to do another cycle, they will just start my Gonal shots at the dose that worked and I won’t have to build up again.

I am dealing with R. being public with her pregnancy and it stings a little more than I anticipated. However, with all the other infertility blogs I read (PS – mine is WAY more interesting), my family is SO understanding. But, of course, I don’t want to take one thing away from R’s pregnancy and she knows that. Some days are easier than others, and one day it will be use with hundreds of Facebook well wishes.

It’s funny, I am praying for a trigger shot the way most couples pray for a positive pregnancy test. A whole lotta God/Buddha/Allah/Goddess up in this place!

So I’ve been kinda quiet lately, not for any exciting reason, just going about our day to day life adding in doctor appointments and shots. The shots are getting much MUCH better and S. is a trooper. Last night I really had enough. I am so tired of being a human pincushion. I know the medicine is working – it’s just such a long, time consuming process to determine which Gonal dosage is going to do the trick. They can’t start at the top, because then too many follicle will grow and the chance of being an Octo-Mom increases.

Saturday will be my 7th ultrasound, 7th blood draw and tonight will be my 12th Gonal shot. My poor abdomen is all puffy and bloated (but fancied up with Angry Birds bandaids). I know it’s worth it in the end, but I am just tired of it all.

But even though I’m cranky and whining today, it is not lost on me about how lucky I am to have the job I do.  I work in IT (but not on the technical side) from the comfort of my home with flextime. I was thinking – 7 doctor’s appointments since 27 August and my coworkers are none the wiser. I am able to get my appointment done before most of them start their day. But I can’t imagine the sacrifice teachers, nurses, shift workers and moms have to make to do this. How do they fit it into an already busy schedule, find coverage and tell their supervisors? I am thankful for the ability to keep my infertility treatments close to the vest.

Sitting in Shady Grove, I see all kinds of people – old, young, skinny, overweight, some with partners, some solo without wedding rings. We are all dealing with the same(ish) situation. It helps to know S. and I are not the only ones emptying our purses for a dream.

It’s been a few days since my last post, but work has been revving up and nothing too important baby related was happening. I had my second ultrasound today and determine if I was ready to put on the Barry White and get to baby making. My follicles are being stubborn (PS – don’t Google Ovarian Follicle. Trust me. You’re welcome). I also wonder if this is a ploy to get a few more co-pays … regardless, the doctor seems confident I am just a late bloomer. Back on Wednesday! At this point I can walk in and do the ultrasound myself.

Also, if you don’t mind, I am going to get on my Judgmental Soapbox. Another Facebook friend (real life acquaintance), is having another baby by a new baby daddy. Yes, both babies were born in monogamous relationships. This is the THIRD person I know with 2 kids, with 2 different Dads and no wedding in sight. Yes, I totally get that women are having babies all the time in a plethora of ways. And each child is a gift … blah blah blah. But I can’t help but be pissed. I had protected sex with each of my past partners to avoid having a baby. I fell in love, had a wedding, and I am not pregnant. Despite wanting to be and paying good money to get there. It doesn’t seem fair. (PS – sorry if you are in this position and offended, but I’m keeping it real). I really want to ask these girls (who are younger than myself) if they understand where babies come from.

Well, back to growing my follicles. What are you doing today?

So S. and I had our follow up appointment at Shady Grove Fertility yesterday and heard some great news! S has super sperm and I have an amazing uterus and super beautiful fallopian tubes.  Well, he didn’t say that, but that’s what I heard. Anyway …

Looks like we are taking a step back from an IUI cycle – which I assumed would be the next step, and doing something oh so sexy called Timed Intercourse. I wish it had a better name, perhaps we will call it TI. Either way, it is basically the same steps (Clomid, trigger shot, ultrasound), but instead of an IUI, we have sex during the perfect time. This makes me very, very nervous.

I just don’t trust myself to get this right. There are lots of steps that require timing, and I just don’t think I can do it AND get it right. Plus … S. giving me a shot in my belly makes me queasy. I can handle a trained professional in a doctor’s office, with gloves and … such. I just wish we knew for a FACT this was going to work. I am not hopeless, just perhaps not getting my hopes up.