Yesterday I had to cancel an important meeting because I have to wait by the door for the FedEx man delivering my injections. Normally it would be no big deal for them to drop it at our apartment’s leasing office, but I am terrified I won’t get them in time, into the refrigerator in time and ruin this whole process, ultimately depleting our savings and ruining our life. File this under over obsessing, I am 100% aware.

I am also freaking out a little bit about doing the injections. Thankfully it’s only once (I think) in my stomach fat, which shouldn’t be hard to find. S. and I are going to a class on Sunday about how to do this, but frankly, I can’t do it to myself. First of all, no one wants to cause themselves pain. In elementary school I had one of those plates on the roof of my mouth that pushed my teeth out (to make room for braces). It required turning a key daily and I had a hard time with it. S. is going to have to do the stabbing and I know he won’t want to. Then again, if I get all ‘Clomid Monster’ on him, he might enjoy a little temporary pain.  I was really hoping to avoid injections.

I was thinking last night about the whole injection process and it occurred to me – I forgot the most important show of infertility on a TV show – Charlotte on Sex in the City! I am ashamed I forgot it. Charlotte was by far my favorite, and had her share of infertility issues. Her first husband, Trey, decided, when Charlotte became obsessed with getting pregnant (even though the doctor said their chances are slim), he wasn’t ready for babies. Trey’s mother made it very clear, in her own elite way, an adoption was not an option for the couple. OH! And the best part, possibly the best scene from all the SATC episodes … Trey brought Charlotte a cardboard baby. A FREAKING CARDBOARD BABY! If S. did anything like that, he wouldn’t be around to tell the story.

To add to the emotional turmoil, Miranda, Charlotte’s best friend, finds herself pregnant by accident and viewers see how Charlotte finds it hard to handle, especially when Miranda discusses terminating the pregnancy.

Harry, the 2nd husband (a loveable bald Jew) comes into the picture (and shortly leaves) and they try for babies and have a miscarriage. Towards the end of the story line, Harry and Charlotte adopt a beautiful baby from China.  Oh, and if we fast forward to the SATC movie … Charlotte gets pregnant.

So, it’s clear, everything works out perfectly in the end.

I’ve read a lot about couples dealing with infertility who are just desperate for a kid – ANY kid. Well, we are not there yet, but I can promise you, there are quite a few kids we would not jump at the chance to parent. Mainly from movies. Here’s our short list, I’ll think you’ll agree:

Damien, The Omen: I mean really. That one goes without saying. First of all, he is beyond creepy with the milky white skin and dark dark hair, but what can you expect from Satan’s son? The lesson? When a priest warns you that your kid is possibly the antichrist, listen.

Rhoda, The Bad Seed: One of my all time favorite movies! Rhoda was sugary sweet (enough to make me want to not like her, it actually creeps me out) until …. a kid dies at a school picnic and Rhoda shows up with the kid’s penmanship medal. Every parent SAYS they want to perfect, polite, loving child …

Henry, The Good Son: Along the sames lines of Pollyanna, a bad kid everyone sees as good. However, this little darling throws a dummy off an overpass, kills the neighbor’s dog and alludes to killing his brother (who ‘drowned’). Not a kid I would snatch up and take home to snug-a-bug with.

Sid, Toy Story: The mean bully next door not only steals toys, but he tortures them and turns them into monsters. Doesn’t that usually indicate a future sociopath? Or perhaps just ‘boys being boys’.

Cole, The Sixth Sense: I love this movie, but I can’t help but be a little creeped out by this overly mature, sad boy – aside from the fact he sees dead people.

There is a lot of buzz in the blog world about television shows attempting to fictionalize infertility. I’ve seen lots of negative comments – not showing the emotion behind it, the financial distress, pressure on the marriage, the time it takes …. well duh. Why would anyone want to watch that? My journey is not funny (most the time) or worthy of an hour during prime time. Nor do I look to television to confirm I’m normal and my situation is normal. It’s entertainment, and I can appreciate that.

Here are some shows I discovered that have a story line relevant to infertility. I am sure there are more, but these are the ones I watch (I hear Grey’s Anatomy had a good story line going).

Parenthood – Julia Braverman struggles with secondary infertility and in this season, takes in a foster kid. She also was thisclose to adopting from the coffee cart teenager at work, but that fell through in the hospital.  This is really the first show I sobbed with while Julia was going through everything.

Friends – Monica and Chandler struggle to get pregnant, find out they are both dealing with fertility challenges, and end up adopting twins. She also learned she won’t have biological children after watching Rachel have an unplanned pregnancy.

How I Met Your Mother – After struggling with not getting pregnant, they find out Marshall is infertile – a great plot twist, there isn’t much discussion around male infertility. Also, Robin learned that she won’t be able to have biological kids, and even though that was never part of her life plan, it was heartbreaking for her to learn she didn’t have the ability to change her mind.

Rules of Engagement – Audrey and Jeff  explore IVF and  have a surrogate. PS – I find this show insufferable sometimes. Even the infertility end of it is dragging on and Jeff is a moron. I can’t even tell you more about the storyline since I barely watch the show.

Brothers & Sisters – I miss this show so much. Kitty started doing infertility treatments, which were unsuccessful and ultimately adopted a baby. This show is all about baby making! The gay couple adopted an older foster kid, though he donated sperm to his brother who was infertile. If you think this soap opera-esque is hard to follow, just watch the show on Netflix. You will be hooked.

I am going to let you in on a little secret if you promise not to get all Judgy McJudgerson on me. I watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians and I think they are all bat crap crazy. Except, maybe, Khloe. Sure she married Lamar Odem after knowing him for a few weeks, but it lasted way longer than her sister Kim, so there’s that. AND she was on the cover of People Magazine recently pulling the plug on her reality show Khloe and Lamar to focus on her marriage. I’ve noticed the past two years of KUWTK she has made it very obvious she thinks her family is cra-cra, and for that she is my favorite Kardashian.

So, now that I have that off my chest, word on the street is Khloe and Lamar are seeking infertility treatments! It’s been speculated for awhile, but never confirmed. And. I. Love. It. I don’t love that she can’t have a baby, but I do love that she is being open and honest about it. Celebs are just like us, remember? So many pop out twins (surprise!) after their 40th birthday because they ‘relaxed’ – not pointing fingers Shmenifer Mopez (again, could be wrong, but if I am not, what is the big deal?).

Here’s what US Weekly said:

“They really want to have a baby and are trying everything,” an insider confided last month. “Now that they’re back home in L.A., they can work on that more. Privately.”

Kardashian has long been vocal about her desire to start a family with Odom, whom she wed after a quickie, one-month engagement in 2009.

“It’s so hard. I never knew about ovulation and the limited amount of time you have to get pregnant . . . No one ever taught me that,” she shared during a Today show appearance last fall. “We would love to have kids. But when you have schedules such as ours, it’s really hard to hit that mark.

Continued the E! star, “So it’s frustrating, but definitely. I want to have kids.”

So best wishes Khloe! Ha, I went to add a picture of Khloe and this was the first one that came up. Had to use it, she IS on reality TV.

I have loved Tori Amos every since she wrote ‘Jackie’s Strength‘. Yes as a 29 year old I recognize now it is about Jackie Onassis, but as an angsty teen I was SURE it was about me. Anyway … I came across this quote from her and it hit home today as so many people are announcing their pregnancy and showing pictures of their newborns. I am happy for them, and appropriately sad for me. Today of course. Tomorrow may be different.

The anger lies in each of us; it just depends on how you deal with it. You have to dive into your own psyche, to find out who lives there. Most of the time, the monster that hides inside you, is the one you let loose on others. I’m not afraid of sadness. Yet even when you cry, until you can’t cry anymore, you get to the point where you decide, for example, that you want to play with a drummer. Sadness lets you wear stilettos, sadness lets you dance in the moonlight. She just has dark rims around her eyes.

Even if you’ve never seen Jersey Shore, which I have not (trust me, I have many, MANY other guilty pleasures), you know who Snooki is. I imagine the show features her like any other MTV reality star – drunk, hooking up and actin’ a fool.  And now I give her my congratulations – pregnant and engaged!

I can’t help but feel a moment of fury. I am eating better, seldom drink, hit the sack before midnight, sleep with just my husband and have a relatively calm life. And I am not pregnant. Not even ovulating. When will it be my turn? I am sure many women dealing with infertility have this same feeling.