Category: Pregnancy

Too Tired to Be Creative

I would have blogged sooner, but OH MY GOD I AM TIRED. Not just ‘I need to sleep another hour’, but ‘if I don’t put my head down rightthisminute I am going to die’. Or ‘Wow, I just slept the deepest sleep of my life for 10 hours and the idea of taking a shower exhausts me’. When I said last week I was tired, I had no idea. NO IDEA.

I honestly and truly admire women who have to go to an office and work during their first trimester. I am not sure how they do it, but they need an award. My job is set up in a way that I need to work 40 hours a week, for the most part, whenever. My 3PM ‘naps’, which is usually just me laying down, not thinking, are my saving graces. I am also super blessed with a husband who won’t let me do a damn thing. He just watched me spend $300 at Target on groceries and carried them all in the house.

I feel like so much has been going on, when really nothing has. I told my coworkers I was knocked up and they were, as expected, happy – joys of working with a ton of women who ‘get it’. While we aren’t sharing it publicly yet, it feels good for coworkers to know what’s going on. I can’t wait until I can shout it from the mountain top.

Tomorrow I am half way through my first trimester and reminding my baby appleseed daily that we have a nice warm home if she can just stick around. I spend a lot of time worried about miscarrying, since so many women in my life have had this experience. If I am cramping I worry, if I am not cramping, I worry. I can tell you one thing – taking to Google was the worst mistake. Logically, if someone is asking about miscarriage, only people who miscarried will be responding right? Well, not to a pregnant woman. I read this as EVERYONE miscarries and I am stupid to have told anyone I was pregnant or buy maternity pants. I scour the internet for statistics, but in my head, I know statistics won’t matter and it isn’t really in my control.

One of the people on a message board said it perfectly, ‘You wouldn’t take your umbrella for 20%you chance of rain so don’t plan to expect the worst.’ – I tend to be very positive, so this made perfect sense to me.

I am imagining what this ‘journey to baby’ blog is going to become. Hopefully not a spot for me to complain about the negative spots of being pregnant, but the ups and downs, fears and joys and then a place to brag on my child. I doubt it will be filled with healthy recipes or crafts or even shabby chic decor (I am tired thinking about making anything shabby into chic).

I’ve been up for 30 minutes. I think it’s time for a nap!

Week 5: Appleseed

How far along?  5 weeks (and 1 day if you care about the details)

Size of baby: apple seed
Total weight gain/measurements: unsure right now

Maternity clothes: Could it be I am in the middle space where real clothes are too snug and maternity clothes are too big? I just invested in a pair of leggings and a maxi skirt that should help ease the ‘I work at home, but have to go out sometimes’ pain.
Sleep: I am so very very tired, but not sleeping well at night. I fall asleep pretty quickly, but wake up a few hours later and just toss and turn. I am having am pretty sexy dreams though (hello!). The nurse suggest Unisom, so I am going to give that a go tonight.
Best moment this week: We had our ultrasound today and got to see the black dot. No heartbeat flicker or anything yet, but another confirmation things are moving along.
Miss anything? Nah, not so much. Well, sleep.
Movement: Still got a ways to go.
Food cravings: Nah.
Anything making you queasy or sick? Nothing specific. I wake up starving, then get queasy during the day, then eat dinner if it’s in front of me. And when I eat, I eat.
Symptoms: fatigue, mild cramps, bloat, constipation, A LOT moody (just ask S.)

The Voodoo that you do …

Let me start by saying, I don’t think voodoo got me pregnant, but we sure had a few things that may, or may not have helped us get pregnant.

The main thing was lots, and lots of prayer. Nothing official, but more of a ‘oh please, oh please, oh please’. I know Saint Rita and Saint Gerard are the patron saints of … something to do with infertility or getting knocked up or something. As a recovering Catholic, I have very little to do with the beliefs, but Saints are kinda the fun part of the religion.

My BFF M., like a good Unitarian Universalist, helped a lot in the voodoo department. She had her own journey with infertility and now has the cutest little guy ever from a surrogate. Needless to say, she gets it. When we first told her we were trying, she immediately went into fertility doll shopping mode. Frankly, those suckers can be creepy. However, instead of the creepy big belly, big boob lady, she gave us this, a stuffed sperm. Which, I immediately ordered for my brother and sister-in-law who were trying. We are both pregnant now. Coincidence?

Sperm

During the 2 week wait, M. also bought me a beautiful, handmade fertility charm I wore pretty much everyday.

If you are trying to get pregnant, do whatever voodoo you need to do. I took a lot of comfort in that little sperm (which we are saving for our child) and necklace, which served as a constant reminder of what we were trying to do, and eventually did.  If you are pregnant, or have a kid, what gave you hope?

Week 4: Poppyseed

How far along?  4 weeks, the joys of fertility treatment is you can pinpoint when exactly when conception was. Some women don’t even realize they are pregnant at this point?

Size of baby: poppyseed
Total weight gain/measurements: unsure right now

Maternity clothes: Plus size maternity clothes are almost impossible to find. I found out I was pregnant on Friday, and was already planning to spend the weekend shopping at the outlets with my sister in law (and my future niece/nephew!) and my mom. Since we were headed to a maternity outlet, I stocked up on a few basic items on sale. I am not in any of them yet, but I am so bloated it’s tempting. Thankfully working from home allows me to wear yoga pants.
Sleep: This mama is tired. All the time. I am sleeping pretty well, but getting up to pee a few times a night.
Best moment this week: Finding out for sure we are pregnant!
Miss anything? Such a strange question – I do miss lunch meat, but it is worth it in the end.
Movement: Still got a ways to go.
Food cravings: More food aversions then anything right now. I do crave MEAT. Lots of protein.
Anything making you queasy or sick? Cooked green peppers, even just the smell makes me want to vomit.
Symptoms: fatigue, mild cramps, constipation, zitty chest, a little moody (probably a lot moody if you ask anyone else)

Still Pregnant!

Thanks for all the kind words via the comments and Facebook yesterday! Though we aren’t ‘public’ yet (just family and close friends), it didn’t feel right to leave out anyone who reads my blog on a regular basis. I did tell my boss yesterday, a CEO mama of a small IT firm and she is so excited for me. I am so blessed to have such a supportive working environment – she made it very clear that the job is flexible enough for naps and appointments, and she encouraged me to take advantage of that. I only told one of my project managers since my flakiness will effect her the most. Again, met with nothing but excitement. Now … it looks like the world will know at the beginning of December when I get the all clear.

I am going to keep the blog title the same, because another infertile blogger over at the Inconceivable Housewife said it right, “I still feel like an ‘infertile woman’. I still am an infertile woman! While that may not make sense now that I’m pregnant, it still feels true. I still suffered through those years of infertility. I still understand the pain. I still fear miscarriage. I still know that this may be our only pregnancy we’ll be blessed with. We can’t ‘just have another child’. As a pregnant woman, infertility still stings. It doesn’t go away.”

Sure, our journey wasn’t as long as some, or even most. But it was still a process, and if we decide to go for number 2, it will still be a process.  I also like how the previous blogger did a weekly QA with symptoms, etc. I think that will a nice reminder about how far we’ve come and how I can make my child feel guilty in the coming years. “OH YOUR LIFE IS TOUGH? I COULDN’T POOP FOR 6 MONTHS! THAT’S TOUGH!”

I hope if you are a regular reader, you will stick with me on my journey to becoming a Mama.

PS – Went to a Wine, Cheese and Chocolate mixer last night for work. Pregnant women shouldn’t attend these events. Oh but wait! They had sushi! Oh, yeah. Nevermind. On the upside, the chocolate was ah-mazing. This mama wanted to dive into the chocolate fountain.

Baby, baby, baby.

Today’s the day! Sam and I went to Shady Grove for my blood work, and headed home. He has the day off and I am lucky enough to telework, so we are just waiting for the results.

Why are we so calm? I took a home pregnancy test on Friday … make that 4. So we already know WE’RE PREGNANT!

I am still so in shock that the fertility treatments work – the first time around! I guess it’s time to talk about changing the title of my blog, eh? Sam is having a hard time believing it until the doctor calls to confirm. Looks like a June baby is on the horizon.

More later my friends 🙂

Things I Look Forward to When I am Pregnant

While I am wondering if I am in fact pregnant (I will never say preggo. Knocked up yes, preggo no),  I am thinking about all the things I will love about being pregnant. Here’s a few so far:

  1. Maternity Clothes – As a ‘larger woman’, I always go shopping in the plus size section of stores, which is next to the maternity department. Why they do this is infuriating to me, but it does give me a chance to see the fun styles. Mostly it’s an accident because I think it’s plus size and not maternity and I am always let down. Not anymore!
  2. Being Special – While I don’t want strangers touching my belly, I will enjoy being the center of attention, I am not going to lie.
  3. Not being alone – Think about it. For 9 months, I am never alone. It will be even real when the baby starts moving. I bet it’s cool.
  4. Redecorating! – I love organizing and decorating, so putting together a nursery will be a fun event.

So just a few things I am looking forward to. If not this cycle, there’s always next time.

It’s been a week. Too soon to take a pregnancy test? Damn.

Things I will Miss When I am Pregnant

I’ve had this list ongoing in my head the past few months about things I will miss when I am pregnant. I know I am not going to be pregnant forever, and by no means is this complaining. Can you complain about future things? Ah well ….

Things I will Miss When I am Pregnant:

  1. Diet Coke – this is by far my number one. I am down to 2 a day (so what if those 2 are 42 ounces?). While most guys fantasize about rolling over and having sex in the morning, I dream of waking up to S. holding an ice cold can of Diet Coke. With a straw.
  2. Concerta – I think I’ve posted about this before, but I am super ADHD and was diagnosed as an adult. I’ve managed it with life skills and drugs. High dosed drugs. While I can be ‘normal’ and productive for those 9 months, I will miss the extra help.
  3. Sushi – S. and I eat sushi every few weeks and since it’s expensive, it’s considered a treat. But when you think about what you are ACTUALLY eating, it’s okay to skip a few months.
  4. Sleeping on my Belly – If I lay down on ANYTHING on my stomach, I will be asleep in 10 minutes flat, true story. The most frustrating thing about having my gallbladder out way back when was not being able to sleep on my belly.  Frustrating to the point of tears. HOWEVER, I have seen some fun looking pillows for pregnant ladies and I am a big pillow fan. I call it a fair trade.
  5. Downhill Skiing – Just kidding.

Bravo Brings the Cra-Cra

 

Just when I thought TLC cornered the market on crazy, I turned on Bravo this morning and was introduced to Pregnant in Heels. I’ve witnessed salon takeovers, culinary disasters and over plumped housewives, but this was a whole new ballgame.

 

Basically (if you want to pretend you are too good for Bravo and haven’t seen PIH), the show features Rosie Pope who is a professional maternity baby expert (and no, I am not sure how she got this title) as she helps NYC’s elite Mommies through pregnancy. She is adorable and friendly, seemingly down to earth.  I think this is would be an awesome job, and hey, if you can afford a baby concierge, why the heck not.

The episode this morning featured 2 women – one was anxious about being a mom because her’s died when she was young and didn’t really have a mommy figure. Super sweet story line, I am sure many women could relate. UNTIL (always an ‘until’ in true Bravo fashion) she wanted to surprise her huband by taking a nude picture on her much adored horse with her baby. Not just any picture mind you, an oil painting. That would be ‘revealed’ to her husband. In a gallery. In front of their friends. Welcome to Crazytown folks. The fact that this was crazy was confirmed by the look her on her friend’s faces when they caught of a glimpse of her oil paint boobs.

The 2nd Mommy-to-be was in complete denial because she hates all things medical. Breastfeeding didn’t seem natural, she is terrified of needles, and doulas seems stupid. Which is why, when Rosie brought a doula in for a visit to help her learn to breathing techniques during shots, Mommy said it didn’t seem natural. She has a point. Breathing is not natrual. Not at all. 

Look. I get terrified, sweaty and heart pumping freaked out around horses. But if they are the only way to get to my future baby, I will suck it up and immediately  turn into John Effing Wayne. This woman was just bananas. Ultimately in the end she was ‘fine’ during labor and breastfed for the first few months.

 

I am pretty sure I am going to watch this show on the regular. I like Rosie and how she interacts with her clients who are bat crap crazy.

 

Concerta & Pregnancy. Or Bring a Something Shiny to the Birth.

Along with having PCOS, I was also diagnosed with adult  ADHD in 2005.  For the record, my blood pressure and cholesterol are in check. It’s only the obscure health issues for this gal.

I did a little research to find out if Concerta is safe for pregnant women, and like all internet health research, results vary. Some women had dozens of beautiful, healthy babies, some miscarried and others were too distracted to give birth and we’ll never know.

I went right to the source – my amazing shrink.  And unlike my Back Up Doc, I trust my shrink because he compliments me. And he is smart.  Regardless, like my Back Up Doc, he was very vague. Basically with Concerta, there haven’t been enough studies to decide one way or another. He did mention in rats, it has ’caused problems’ … perhaps the baby rats had short tails? Regardless, that’s enough for me to stop.

The good news is I will know when I should be pregnant. So after our 3 day bedroom vacation (the other TTC boards call it the Baby Dance – dumb). I will stop for those 2 weeks. I am still not thrilled about going off Concerta, it has made my life so much easier, but it’s not about me.

Since we are not going to announce anything until after the first trimester, if you find me wandering aimlessly around the grocery store or forgetting where I live, it is a lock I am pregnant.